The Holiday Inn Abandoned Van

For a unique and affordable way to enjoy your next stay in beautiful Detroit, Holiday Inn now proudly offers a new way to stay in luxury – the Holiday Inn Abandoned Van.

Conveniently located just minutes from such attractions as the wrong side of the tracks and an abandoned scrap metal factory, the Holiday Inn Abandoned Van serves as a central location to a number of possible vacation destinations.

Guests have the opportunity to choose from two available room settings. For sensible luxury, guests are invited to stay in our Silver Level guestroom – the Driver’s Seat. Amenities abound in this affordable living option. Spread out and relax in style thanks to the ’86 Ford Astro front bench seat. De-stress after a long day of business meetings or sightseeing with the help of the pine-scented air freshener. For entertainment, lose yourself in the eclectic sounds of AM radio, or take advantage of our Imagination Racing Game, complete with steering wheel controls.

For those wanting a little more from their Holiday Inn experience, we proudly offer a Gold Level guest room – the Cargo Area. Whether you are a newlywed enjoying your honeymoon or an executive finishing up some out-of-town business deals, you’ll be sure to sleep like royalty. Rest your head on the complementary stack of discarded newspapers. Use the Styrofoam coffee cup to give yourself a pick-me-up in the morning (coffee not included). And for virtually endless entertainment, enjoy late-night conversations with the junkie who we can’t get to leave.

Regardless of the room you choose, all guests will benefit from a myriad of on-site amenities. Start your day right with a complementary hot breakfast buffet, courtesy of the nearby tire fire. Relive the old hobo stories of yesteryear as you and two other guests crowd around a tree stump to share a single baked bean.

Our state-of-the-art fitness center incorporates such advanced machinery as heavy rocks for throwing and scrap metal for lifting. Our outdoor pool/bathtub also serves as a day spa, thanks to the natural infusion of mud and algae into the water. For the business traveler, our business center includes a bunch of old fast food wrappers for writing letters and an all-in-one fax/printer/copier (broken).

Despite the focus on value, the Holiday Inn Abandoned Van incorporates the same level of high-quality customer service as all other Holiday Inn hotel brands. From the concierge behind the cardboard box to the maid service provided by a pack of mangy dogs that roll around in the rooms sometimes, you’ll be in good hands at Holiday Inn.

Choose Detroit’s Holiday Inn Abandoned Van for your next trip, and you’ll be rewarded with room rates as low as $69.99 (cash only, change may not be available).

Directions – from the airport, take Interstate 94 East. Exit Prospect Road and turn right. From the 7-Eleven, head into the woods and follow the train tracks west for half a mile. Holiday Inn Abandoned Van is located directly behind the large pile of discarded beer cans and medical syringes.

——

If you liked this, then other humor blog posts you may enjoy include: