A Motivational Speech From the Hang-In-There Cat

Hello, corporate employees of General Motors. How is everyone doing today? For those of you who are fans of motivational posters, you may already know who I am. For those a little less skilled in the art of office décor, I am the Hang-in-There Cat. That’s right, I am that very cat from the classic poster that has been silently motivating millions to “Hang in there, baby” for the past several decades.

Hang in there, baby.

What am I doing not surrounded by a thick black border and desperately clinging to a tree branch, you ask? Well, your boss invited me here today to give you guys a little pep talk on the topic of “going the distance.” And if ever there was someone out there qualified enough to talk about that subject – as the great band ‘N SYNC put it – “it’s gonna be me.”

Now guys, I’m a cat. I’ve got a great sense of smell, and I’ve got to tell you all that the office morale in here stinks! Which is understandable, but let me let you in on a little secret – the problems you guys are experiencing up here in Detroit are nothing compared to what I was dealing with up in that tree.

Sure, you guys are worried about losing your jobs, your homes, your pensions – and I get that. That’s a scary thought. But hey, think about this: at least you’re not hanging from a full-grown oak tree with nothing but your front claws keeping you from plummeting to a bloody death 30 feet below!

Look, my point is, it could always be worse. No matter how bad things get here at work, the truth is you’ll survive. So instead of staring down at the ground and thinking the worst, why not think like a cat and realize that even if you do fall, hey, at least you’ll land on your feet eventually.

Also, take a second and look around you. See all those familiar faces? Friends? Family? Co-workers? This is your support system. With these guys, you can make it through anything.

Now, if you didn’t have these people, then yes, you might be in trouble. I can tell you from experience that when you’re left high and dry out there all alone, keeping a positive attitude can be difficult.

And sure, you’re hanging there hoping someone will walk by and help you out of this mess you’ve gotten yourself into, but the hours pass and no one comes. Your arms grow weak. You start thinking about just giving up and letting go. Until finally, you spot a nice-looking guy walking toward you. He sees you! You cry out for help! “I’m saved,” you think. “Oh, thank God, I’m saved!”

But then, instead of helping you, this jerk just pulls out a camera and snaps a photo of you so he can slap your face on some motivational poster and sell it to a bunch of schmucks working their way up middle management. Talk about a low blow.

But see, even though I was alone up there, I do understand the power of friendship. Because eventually the fire department came and got me down from that tree, and I turned to my friends to help me get through the trauma of that terrible incident.

I tell you, if it weren’t for my buddies – Perseverance Eagle, Achievement Mountain Climber and Diversity Hands – I don’t know where I’d be today.

So guys, I know things look bleak right now, but take it from me and just, “Hang in there, baby.” Look for support from your friends, be positive about what you still have, and eventually, you’ll make through the whole ordeal.

And if that’s not good enough, well then why not hang up a couple pictures of me and my friends around your office cubicle. That’s sure to do the trick.

Now, if any of you are interested in getting an autograph from me, I’m more than willing to oblige. Go ahead and grab your posters (along with $10) and I’ll give you some memorabilia that’s guaranteed to lift you spirits!

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