Here are some of the funniest people on Twitter doing what they do best. Tweeting.
Next time you order coffee at Starbucks tell them your name is Bueller and then leave the store.
— dak (@daplusk) June 2, 2012
If I had a time machine i'd go back & give cavemen some crackers & beer so that I don't have to ever hear about the Paleo diet again.
— denise (@Stellacopter) May 31, 2015
except for Jurassic Park, Jurassic Park 2 and Jurassic Park 3, Jurassic World is my favorite movie about divorce.
— DAVE ROSS (@davetotheross) June 16, 2015
Why hunt for vampires when you can just open a tuxedo shop and have them come to you? Work smarter, not harder.
— Don Nichols (@TheDairylandDon) May 16, 2015
Don't worry, you're not dying alone. Your exes are all there watching it happen on social media.
— moody monday (@mdob11) June 2, 2015
Hey, I see you created a joint facebook account with your spouse. Everything ok?
— Mary "get rid of the Nazis already" Kobayashi (@MaryKoCo) June 1, 2015
are you there god? it's me, bulldog who skateboards
— Dan Glaser (@youranalogbuddy) April 7, 2015
I've spent 30 years thinking about how Molly Ringwald's sushi lunch in The Breakfast Club was sitting in a warm library for 4 hours.
— Ari Scott (@ariscott) August 22, 2014
The very fact that Donald Trump's catchphrase is "you're fired!" and not "ya got trumped!" disqualifies him from the presidency in my eyes
— Siobhan Thompson (@vornietom) June 17, 2015
Cats spend two thirds of their lives sleeping, and the other third making viral videos.
— tim donakowski (@timdonakowski) November 4, 2013
All of my tattoos are different from each other, but part of an overall cohesive theme I like to call "I make bad decisions."
— Sarah (@thetigersez) June 16, 2015
Hey Lean Cuisine don't tell me to cook something at 50% power and then stir it, I'm not a master chef.
— mark (@TheCatWhisprer) June 9, 2015
the cashier at Petsmart just told me I smell really good which would be a compliment if my competition wasn't a bunch of dogs and gerbils
— kristen drum (@kristendrum) April 2, 2015
my favorite animals at the zoo are just the random birds walking around like they belong. Go home pigeon, this is fancy bird town
— shut up, mike ginn (@shutupmikeginn) April 30, 2015
I can't afford a therapist so i bought a mood ring
— Megan Amram (@meganamram) June 15, 2015