Mike
Please enjoy this list of the 15 funniest tweets I could find.
I saw a sign that said falling rocks so I tried and it doesn’t
— Elle Oh Hell plus several ellipses……………. (@ElleOhHell) November 29, 2014
[watching porn] I hope they stay together
— Viktor Winetrout (@Cpin42) December 16, 2015
So much of being an adult is just not clicking the "Send" button
— Gloria Fallon (@GloriaFallon123) February 4, 2016
Ted Cruz is what Slimer looked like before he died
— Sage Boggs (@sageboggs) February 2, 2016
Goth Valentine Gift ideas:
1) Red Veil
2) Dark Chocolate
3) The Dark Crystal on VHS
4) A raven in a dead tree
5) The rain— Kendra Alvey (@Kendragarden) February 3, 2016
boss: where do you see yourself in 5 years
me: here
boss: excellent
me: but DEAD— tara shoe (@tarashoe) February 3, 2016
HILLARY: how does bernie have more of the younger vote than me? it doesn't make sense. im hip!
BERNIE: why do the teens call me daddy
— goth turtle (@dubstep4dads) January 18, 2016
I have yet to meet a little kid wearing sunglasses who is actually cool.
— Jeff Lyons (@usedwigs) June 30, 2011
"You can't have your cake and eat it too."
– People who don't understand what you're supposed to do with cake
— Shira (@shiraselko) July 19, 2011
Dress for the job the aliens will give you when they land.
— Kashana (@kashanacauley) January 20, 2016
I wear a ski mask to bed so if there's a home invasion the intruder will think I'm part of the team.
— Quinn Sutherland (@ReelQuinn) May 28, 2013
If you listen to Rush loud enough your car grows a wizard painting.
— Sean Gabay (@ixSEANxi) May 20, 2014
*I hold my date's hand for the first time*
Date: I've got butterflies in my stomach
Me: same. I ate A LOT of butterflies before this
— Nathan Usher (@thenatewolf) January 10, 2016
let your partner know the sex was great by dumping an entire cooler of Gatorade on them afterwards
— young hope (@hopiecan) October 19, 2015
https://twitter.com/madeleinedoux/status/564663680454115328