These moms and dads are here to help…
Parenting Tip: when your child tells you he is having bad dreams, "It's okay, Pal, reality is much scarier" will not comfort him.
— The Grapes of Meh (@TheAlexNevil) November 10, 2015
Tonight's parenting lesson:
If a 2-year-old says, "I'm going to puke," FOR THE LOVE OF GOD DON'T CALL HER BLUFF.
I need a shower.
— James Breakwell (@XplodingUnicorn) March 4, 2015
Parenting tip: Have two kids so you can keep your lazy butt in the car & say, "Go get your brother" when picking one up at a friends house.
— Abe Yospe (@Cheeseboy22) June 5, 2016
Parenting tip: Wine.
— MOM. MOM. MOM. (@FrozenSighs) December 31, 2011
Parenting tip: when ur kids start crying, start bawling bigger & badder. Soon, they will stop crying & turn their concerns to your welfare.
— Contwixt Nick (@Contwixt) September 23, 2016
Parenting lesson #1: pick your battles pic.twitter.com/zvXHbm0qVo
— Maggie Wiggin (@maggie162) May 21, 2016
Parenting tip: Take kids to pumpkin patch. Let them pick out any pumpkin. but make them carry it to the car. They'll never want to go again.
— Abe Yospe (@Cheeseboy22) October 4, 2015
Parenting Pro Tip: Never take a toddler's word for it
— Dad and Buried (@DadandBuried) June 21, 2014
Parenting tip: maybe don't leave Hungry Hungry Hippos on the floor of a dark room.
— Rachel Dratch (@TheRealDratch) August 1, 2016
Parenting tip: end the ABC song "Thanks for singing this w/ me" not "Next time won't you sing w/ me." Then you don't have to sing it again.
— Ken Jennings (@KenJennings) July 3, 2011
PARENTING TIP: train your kids to kill spiders so THEY can be the ones to do it.
— Frank Lowe (@GayAtHomeDad) March 1, 2013
Parenting tip: tease your kids' hair so at the very least they can be well-beehived.
— Abbi Crutchfield (@curlycomedy) September 9, 2012
A little parenting tip: If you don't know where your children are in the house… Turn off the internet and watch them magically appear.
— J. Jewels (@realjjewels) September 20, 2016
Parenting Tip #12 It's ok to justify not meeting any of your goals, with, "At least I remembered to feed the kids."
— Paige Kellerman (@PaigeKellerman) August 20, 2011
Parenting tip: telling a three-year-old that her dried-up markers are a "first world problem" will not stop her from crying.
— Jennifer Weiner (@jenniferweiner) September 26, 2011
Parenting tip: Hide the matches to a dozen socks and ask the kids to find them. Now go sit and enjoy a hot cup of coffee. You're welcome.
— CrazyExhaustion (@CrazyExhaustion) May 22, 2015
Parenting tip: if you want to get your kids ready to leave the house faster, relentlessly song 'All That Jazz' in a Billie Holiday voice.
— Ana Gasteyer (@AnaGasteyer) April 27, 2013
Parenting Tip: chanting "Goblin King! Goblin King! Wherever u may be take this child of mine far away from me!" doesn't work I already tried
— Julia Segal (@juliasegal) April 15, 2015