This WILL Work

I know this looks half-baked and, okay, I’ll admit it, a little silly. But trust me, this WILL work. As long as the glue holds and the wire has been wound correctly, we have nothing to worry about.

Sure, everything has to be timed out to the millisecond, but trust me, I’ve done the math. See that calculator over there? I totally took it out of the packaging and multiplied a bunch of numbers with it. Take it from me, so long as the old man doesn’t spook early, this WILL work.

What? You’re thinking the sheet of glass isn’t thick enough? You saw how much that other one cost. What am I, made of money? I guess if it’s really bugging you, I can return the safety net and get the thicker glass instead. If I don’t get back before the stroke of midnight, though, the extra scaffolding is coming out of your pocket, mister.

Believe me, I’ve done all the hard work. Laid the piping, triple-checked the tuba, leashed the eagle. Now, all you have to do is sit there and let the cougar come to you.

Don’t give me that look. I’d feel better if we’d gotten the stainless steel chains, too. I got over it though because aluminum is plenty strong for what we’re doing here. Remember, you’ll only be in the vat for a few seconds. Trust me, those chains will hold.

Look, I listened to you when you had your concerns. I bought you the diapers, remember? And the scuba mask, which by the way, I guarantee is totally unnecessary. Now it’s time to trust me, because I promise you, this WILL work. Now tape that ball of yarn to your thigh and start climbing. The fog is lifting and we’re only gonna to get one shot at this…

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