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For sale: Jacuzzi
Specially formulated for the female anatomy. Includes hose, chlorine pack and 42-year-old systems administrator. Cheap! Please email price and pic to Guiseppe.

Lost: Colostomy Bag
Last seen in the ball pit of McDonalds playground.

Various Items For Sale:
Used pantyhose, toy gun, police scanner, black suit and 20 gal sack with dollar sign on it. Need to dump fast. Call ASAP.

For sale: iPod – works perfectly!
Comes loaded with over 1,000 Inuit tribal chants. Ask for Sven. Mint Condition!

Needs new battery and click wheel. Also, audio function does not work.

For sale: Cobra
Great for pet or music videos. Pick up only – must supply own snake sedatives. Sooner the better – would like access to my master bath ASAP. Have antivenom? Half price!

Cheap blender to good home.
Must be non-smoker, college-educated and have killer abs. Email me to set up an interview.

For sale: large box of shoes
No pairs – right feet only. Lost my right foot during a late-night shark encounter and no longer have any use for them. Would consider trade for box of left foot shoes or crotchless wetsuit. Mens size 10.5 – mostly Skechers but a few Ugg Boots.

Lost: Stroller
Brown seat with blue awning. Has 2 cupholders and diaper storage compartment. Last seen at Mayfair Market last Thursday about 3 p.m. No reward, but you can keep the baby if it’s still there.

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