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For Sale: Butter Churn.
The perfect conversation piece! Just set her up and practice your chatiing, cuz people won’t be able to stop talkin about it. Great for making friends. (also makes butter).

Need a Job?
Want to work with animals? Don’t mind the taste of tiger’s blood? Then shut me an e-mail. Name’s Jed.

Free toupee
The matching side burns are gonna cost you, though.

Free headshots
You bring the camera, I’ll bring the magic.

For sale: Baby Clothes.
Had the abortion after all.

Learn to Paint!
If you’ve got the drive, I’ve got the rollers, trim tape and walls. Just bring your enthusiasm and Sherwin Williams “Morning Meadow.” 2 gallons should do it. No need to call – just show up tomorrow. 2-ish. The more the merrier!

Depressed? Low Self Esteem? Cry nightly?
Pussy.

Constipated?
Me too! Wanna get together and swap stories?

Barack Sucks!
Now that I have your attention, who wants to buy my badminton set?

Feeling Lost?
I’m not either. Last season was WAY better.

Play the drums!
While I dance around you in elf costume. Well, half an elf costume. Will pay big $$$

Rideshare?
Hitch a ride with me! I go from Van Nuys to downtown daily. Don’t have a car? No problem. I just need someone to get my mustang into the HOV lane. Must love horses.

Sit on my sac!
A little beat up, but trust me it still feels good. You won’t find a better one anywhere – they don’t make beanbags like this anymore! Will trade for hemp rope or bong hits.

Free meat!
Found it, don’t ask where. Probably pork, but that’s just a guesstimate.

For Sale: Old Ice Cream Truck.

Great for new business or solving mysteries. 30Gs OBO. Call Blaine now!

Wanted: Lollipop

That accentuates my mustache. I’m a fashin aliterate, so any advice would be ubliged. It’s a blond walrus if that helps. Serius offers only. No Tootsie Pops!

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