Kids These Days

Ned Humboldt, Old Man
Ned Humboldt, Old Man

Making out in public!? Sex on the first date!? Back in my day, women played hard to get and earned our respect before going all the way. Boy, did that used to really cheese me off!

Skateboards!? Bah – boards aren’t meant for riding. They’re meant for building houses, making chairs and smacking the Irish when they come for your gold!

…and these video games! All day long, just sitting in front of the TV, stabbing people and blowing each other’s heads off. This is what we’re teaching our kids? They should be outside in the real world, getting real exercise and stabbing real hoboes!

$100 for a pair of shoes!? Hooey! In my day, we’d wrap our feet in leaves and hay and we liked it! Then, when we were done playing Caveman, we’d go to the store and get our loafers at a sensible price!

Long hair!? Humbug! I didn’t like it in the 70s and I don’t like it now. If you ask me, men shouldn’t be going around looking like women. I mean, how many people have to get in my car these days before I find a regular old lady hooker!?

Skinny pants!? SKINNY PANTS!?!? Actually, I don’t have a problem with those.

Text messages!? E-mail!? Newsflash! You don’t need fancy computers to talk to your friends! In case you’ve forgotten there’s a much easier way to have a conversation. It’s called MORSE CODE!!

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