My Million-Dollar Idea

Okay. There I was, sipping a cold brew after work, staring out the window at the birds flying by when all of a sudden…WHAM! It hit me like a sack of bricks! Except it didn’t hurt at all. Not like that time I got hit by that sack of bricks. No, this collision felt much different – more like the time I got hit by that sack filled with all those furry kittens. For some reason, it just felt RIGHT!

What was it? Well sir, it was a MILLION-DOLLAR IDEA!! And one of the best ones I or anyone else has ever come up with!

You want to hear all about it? Yeah, I bet you do – so you can steal it and my million dollars right out from under me. Nope, I’m sorry but I’m not going to fall for that again.

I wish I could tell you. I really do. Believe me, if I told you what my million-dollar idea was, you’d be speechless for a good 30 seconds. Then, you’d lean back in your chair, put your hands behind your head, and say, “Wow. That guy has a million-dollar idea right there.” And then your eyes would glaze over and you’d stare at the ceiling for a while and think about how you wished you’d thought of such an innovative and lucrative idea.

Also, you’d probably be thinking about the money, and how you would spend it if you were me.

But this idea is just too great to NOT talk about!! So, okay, I probably shouldn’t do this, but I think I’m gonna go ahead and give you a few hints about this amazing million-dollar idea. Yeah, alright. That’s what I’m gonna do.

Okay, you know how I said I was drinking a cold brew and watching the birds outside!? I’ll go ahead and tell you it has something to do with at least one of those things. Maybe both. But I’m not gonna say for sure.

Okay, both. My million-dollar idea has something to do with both birds and cold beer. BUT NOT HOW YOU THINK! No, this idea is much more than getting birds drunk on beer so they’ll fight and you can bet on who you think will win.

Although, I will admit that the thought had occurred to me. Okay, and I will also say that that original idea – the one where a bunch of drunk birds duke it out renegade style in an octagon ring – served as the proverbially light switch that immediately led me to my million-dollar idea.

But okay, I’ve already said way too much. You already know the thought process that led me to my million-dollar idea so, I think I’m gonna have to stop right there. Don’t ask for any more info, because I am locking my mouth and throwing away the key.


Damn, okay. I blurted it out. Sorry, I just couldn’t help myself. But now that I said it, I may as well explain myself.

Remember earlier when I told you it JUST FELT RIGHT when I got hit with that sack of kittens? Well, that got me thinking about how great other stuff in sacks might be too. Stuff like – wait for it – feathered birds!

YEAH! We already put feathers in pillows! Why not take it one step further and put the WHOLE BIRD IN THERE!? And what if the idea wasn’t about putting the birds in sacks so they would fight, but instead having people put into a ring and given these sacks so THEY COULD FIGHT INSTEAD!?

Think about – the softness of the feathers, the soothing warmth of the bird bodies, and that delightful SQUAWK sound every time you land a blow!! I tell you, everyone would want to get in that ring and get socked with a sack of birds.

Throw in an ice-cold beer for afterwards, and that my friends is what I call a MILLION-DOLLAR IDEA!!


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