Jeff Wysaski
Jimmy flipped randomly up and down through the dates as he stared at the strange device. “What’s this, Uncle Joseph?” he yelled from across the laboratory. “Oh, Jimmy! Don’t touch that!” his uncle yelped as he came running, but it was too late. With one final flip of the wrist, a loud metallic pop filled the air. Horrified, Uncle Joseph could only stand by and watch as his nephew pulled the loose nail from the wall, sending the wall calendar crashing to the floor below!
Despite the knickers and newsboy hat, Jimmy still felt out of place on the cobbled streets of 19th-century London. “I mean, why pay for something when you can knick it for free?” the pickpocket continued. “See that little old lady with the purse on that bench there? Why don’t you go ahead and give it a steal?” Hesitant, Jimmy replied, “I don’t know. I mean, even if I don’t get caught, what on earth am I gonna do with a little old lady?”
The Native Indians struggled to light the fire. After a moment, Jimmy pulled a lighter from his pocket and flicked the tab. The chief turned, and his eyes grew wide with wonder and confusion. “Oh Jimmy! Don’t do that!” Uncle Joseph said. “Why not?” Jimmy replied. “Because I think they’re planning on using that fire to cook us alive!” Jimmy scoffed, “Oh Uncle, they’re not cannibals!” “Of course they are. Why else would we be sitting in this giant pot of water and carrots!!”
“Early to bed, early to rise!” Ben Franklin replied. “That’s great, sir, but that doesn’t really answer my question,” Jimmy said. “Well, in this world nothing can be certain, except death and taxes.” Mr. Franklin spouted. “For the last time, HOW DO WE GET TO THE WHITE HOUSE?” Uncle Joseph shouted as he tried to shake some sense into the man. “Nothing but money is sweeter than honey,” Ben uttered.
“I don’t think this is home,” Jimmy said slyly as he poked his head out of the time machine. “Unless knights and knaves are new to Wichita Falls.” Frustrated, Uncle Joseph finally lost his temper, “Alright Jimmy, that is it! You think this is funny? I’ve been telling you since the land of the dinosaurs, so cut it out! ‘Kuh-night? Kuh-naves?’ For the last time, the K is SILENT!”
“See that, Jimmy?” Uncle Joseph whispered as he pointed to the crowd of robed men. “This is it! The birthplace of democracy!” Jimmy marveled as the flood of people continued past him. “Democracy was born at a 1975 toga party at the University of Minnesota?” he asked. “Yep,” Uncle Joseph slurred as he threw his head back and took another swig from his flask.
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