A Day At The Renaissance Faire

My excitement quickly faded as the artisan returned with my souvenir. “Oh, that kind of coat of arms,” I said with a frown.

“Can you imagine making your clothes on that?” Nancy said as the lady continued working on the loom. “Yeah, talk about convenient,” I replied, adjusting the coarse deer hide that hung haphazardly from my shoulders.

I gazed in awe at the rows of swords, battle axes and other weaponry for sale. I was tempted to buy one, but then again, what would I do with it? Everyone I wanted to murder was already dead.

The falconer pointed skyward, and the crowd marveled as the magnificent birds flew back and forth above their heads. “Wow!” I said. “I have to say, even in today’s modern world of high-definition TV, that is A LOT of crows!”

The knights flipped down their helmets, lifted their lances and took their marks on the field. The crowd held their breath. Then, suddenly, the horses sprung into action. And as they continued their gallop, I couldn’t help but wonder, “shouldn’t they be running TOWARD each other?”

“Was all medieval food really served on a stick?” I asked the vendor as the yogurt dripped down my fingers and engulfed my wristwatch.

“You know what this renaissance faire is missing?” I said. “The Black Plague.”

“Do you know what time it is?” the jester asked me. Before I could check my watch, he spouted out, “Medieval time!” and began to dance a little jig. “Where was that weapon shop, again?” I thought to myself.

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