Oh Great, Here Comes the Mongol Horde Again

Well, I’ll be, honey. It looks like you sunk my battleship! Well done – I thought you’d never find it tucked all the way down there in the corner, but here we are.

No, no. Rules are rules. You just sit here on the patio and revel in your victory. I lost, which means I’m stuck with the lowly task of putting all the pieces back in the box and taking that long “Walk of Shame” back to our game closet under the stairs.

mongol horde on horsebackSay, how do you feel about a game of Connect Four? Give me a chance to redeem my – oh fiddlesticks. Well, never mind. You know that thing I just said about Connect Four? Well, you can go ahead and just forget it – because here comes the Mongol horde again.

Yes, of course I’m sure. You see that cloud of dust out there on the horizon, don’t you? Only a herd of galloping Mongol horses can kick up that much dust. And you hear those shrill, menacing war cries? Classic Mongol tactic of intimidation.

Oops – and there’s a dead giveaway. That arrow that just went whizzing by your head and lodged in our porch swing? Set forth by one of the many young Mongol warriors in that fast approaching horde, no doubt.

Of course, I shouldn’t have to tell you this. They were just here last week. Rode in unannounced and completely ruined our croquet game with the Weatherbees.

I guess our requests to have them call ahead of time before popping in like this fell on deaf ears. Again. Honestly, you’d think at least one messenger warrior in that Mongol horde would have the common courtesy to ride ahead and give us some notice!

Well I guess we better – gosh darn it. I tell you, it’s always so easy to take the game pieces OUT of the box, but putting them all back IN so the lid will close, now that’s a different story.

Sorry, dear. I didn’t mean to get angry. It’s just, this darn Mongol horde. I was so looking forward to a game of Connect Four. And as we know, Mongols hate Connect Four.

But as I was saying, I guess we better get ready for their arrival. Why don’t you go ahead and check to see if we’ve got a full pitcher of lemonade – you know how much they like that stuff. And how are we in the way of snacks?

Yes, I know those brownies were meant for the church bake sale, but what can I tell you? That’s a MONGOL HORDE out there. They probably haven’t been off their horses in three days – they’re going to be hungry, I can tell you that. And you saw how fast they gobbled up those brownies last week – you should take it as a compliment.

Good. You just warm up those brownies – maybe put them on a festive party tray – and I’ll take care of everything else.

First off, I better hurry up and put this game of Battleship away. Otherwise, we’ll be stuck reffing another round-robin tournament all night. And I really don’t have the patience for Yesugai’s cheating today.

Secondly, I better go ahead and pull out the hammock – it’s almost 3 p.m. and Kokochu Khan is probably itching to take his mid-afternoon nap. Heh, I don’t care how many fallen opponents have shed blood on his Mongol uniform – he always looks so peaceful in that hammock, swaying in the breeze.

Speaking of blood, make sure we’ve got enough fabric softener for the laundry. If not, I’ll have to run to the store. In which case, you’ll have to keep score for the bocce ball game. If so, don’t let Menggetu intimidate you, rules are rules and he knows it.

Alright, look at me gabbing on like I’ve got all the time in the world. That Mongol horde will be here any minute. Put on your best smile and let’s show those Mongols what down-home southern hospitality is all about!


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