Top Ten Signs Your College Professor is a Spy

This past week, a married couple was accused of being spies for the Cuban government. Walter Kendall Myers, among other things, was a professor at Johns Hopkins University. In the spirit of this fact, here are the top 10 signs your college professor is a spy:

10. Instead of tweed jacket, wears black turtleneck and eye-patch
9. Constantly making calls on his shoe phone
8. Describes Hillary Clinton as “shrewd, cunning and shagadelic, baby”
7. Teacher’s aid is Vladimir Putin
6. Offers extra credit to anyone who can “Get Bourne
5. On first day, says “Look to your left. Look to your right. By the end of class, one of these people will be murdered by a powerful laser.”
4. During mid-term, scantron self-destructs
3. Gives lectures in Morse code
2. All student-teacher correspondence takes place via the trashcan on the corner of Houston and Third
1. Before he flunks you, reveals entire plan for world domination

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