Ways to Break Out of Prison

1. Find a brick wall on the exterior of the prison. 2. Yell, “Hey, Kool-Aid.” 3. Wait for Kool-Aid Man to bust through the wall (Oh Yeah!) 4. Escape through hole (Optional: take Kool-Aid Man hostage for added insurance).

1. Have friend smuggle in birthday cake with “special” candles. 2. Light candles. 3. Close eyes and wish for a sewing machine. 4. Blow out candles. 5. Use sewing machine to make guard’s uniform. 6. Walk right out of there, baby.

1. Use supplies to make a dummy of yourself. 2. Wait until night, then call a guard over to your cell. 3. Use dummy to perform a funny ventriloquist routine. 4. Wait for a while until the guard stops laughing 5. Wait some more as the guard calls over other guards to show them how funny you are. 6. Perform routine again. 7. Blush when one guard tells you that you should be on America’s Got Talent. 8. Wait for guard to get video camera. 9. Perform routine to tape and send it into America’s Got Talent. 10. Wait for call back. 11. On way to audition, shank the driver in the neck and jump out window.

1. Acquire a spoon. 2. Use spoon to dig a tunnel to the outside. 3. Use tunnel to smuggle in candy. 4. Sell candy to in-mates. 5. Get rich off that sweet candy money. 6. Use newfound wealth to buy your freedom. 7. Walk right out of there, baby.

1. Cut small hole in cell wall. 2. Place food at base of hole. 3. Wait for rats to show up. 4. Complain about rats to guard. 5. Wait for exterminator to install glue traps. 6. Acquire rat costume. 7. Get “caught” in glue trap. 8. Wait for exterminator to bring the glue trap (and you) to the dumpster. 9. Wait for him to leave. 10. Scamper right out of there, baby.

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