Jeff Wysaski
Calling all plumbers! How many princesses does a guy have to kidnap to get some quality service around here? My castle is littered with an inordinate number of exposed pipes, and while they add a quaint, industrial appeal to the ambiance, they are a bear to keep in good working order.
I’ve got enough work here to keep a couple of quality plumbers busy for quite a while. While you don’t need to be super (in fact, I prefer that you’re not), you do need to have skills and experience to get the job done right. To be considered, you MUST have experience with:
Removing warp tunnels: I don’t know how many times I’ve stepped on a pipe and accidentally ended up at King Boo’s castle. And then I’m stuck playing peek-a-boo with the guy until all hours of the night; trust me, it’s a nightmare.
Exterminating pipe creatures: Some of my pipes are infested with giant, fire-spitting piranha plants. They can be difficult to get rid of, because as soon as you get close to the pipe, they refuse to poke their heads out. Also, one pipe is leaking an endless horde of goombas.
Fixing my toilet: The water runs unless I jiggle the handle.
If you have the experience, then I’m willing to pay plenty of gold coins. Seriously, the right candidates could literally walk out of my castle with dozens of extra lives. A word of warning, however – I’ve been burned (quite literally) by plumbers in the past, so let me emphasize that I’m NOT looking for anything fancy.
You don’t need to have star power. You don’t need a Tanooki suit. And you CERTAINLY don’t need to know how to retract bridges that are suspended over pits of lava!
All I want is a couple of regular, run-of-the-mill plumbers to get my castle back in working order. If you can help, without killing me or my numerous children, then please shoot me an E-mail.
——
If you liked this, then other humor blog posts you may like include: