10 Signs Your Roommate is a Serial Killer

1. Won’t let you anywhere near the locked trapdoor under his bed

2. Framed photos of himself are pixelated

3. Insists on writing grocery lists “ransom note” style

4. Hobbies include watching kids play at the park and digging at night

5. There’s a human head in the vegetable crisper

6. Chore wheel has you cleaning chainsaws every other week

7. “Help me!” messages written all over your bathroom mirror

8. Shrill, maniacal laugh keeps you up at night

9. Refuses to return Dexter DVDs to Netflix

10. For Halloween costume parties, shows up as himself

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