10 Signs Your Boyfriend is a Robot

When speaking with friends and family, do you often describe your new boyfriend as “too good to be true?” If that new special someone comes off as a little too perfect, then there is a high likelihood that you are actually dating a robot. Before that filthy robot finds the time to feed off your life force and leave you a hollow shell of skin and bones, review these warning signs to determine whether or not your new boyfriend is a robot:

1. When you tell him you love him for the first time, responds, “Does not compute.”

2. Last name is an 11-digit series of numbers

3. Finds any excuse possible to dance The Robot

4. When getting intimate, asks you to dress up as the microwave

5. Best friend from high school is a giant pneumatic assembly arm

6. For Valentine’s Day, gives you a giant heart-shaped box of batteries

7. You would describe his eye color as “pixilated”

8. He keeps having nightmares about a “spinning pinwheel of death”

9. Writes love notes in binary

10. His 11,000 brothers all look exactly like him


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