Excerpts From My Jewel Heist Novel

With the guard distracted, I re-routed the camera monitor to loop the footage I’d recorded earlier. “That should buy me about half an hour,” I thought as the Two and a Half Men opening theme kicked and I slipped out the door.

I sprayed the hairspray into the air as I contorted, high-stepped and crawled my way across the room in slow motion. “What are you doing?” asked one of the other people in the dentist’s office.

When you think about it, a security camera really isn’t any more complicated than a charge-coupled device that makes use of a sophisticated camera lens, light-sensing technology and various wires and motors to capture and record video.

My nerves bristled as I looked up to see the security guard watching me like a hawk from the corner of the room. “Oh wait, that’s no security guard,” I thought to myself. “That’s the hawk I hired to be my lookout.” I laughed again at the funny little hat I’d tied to its head.

76 degrees. I began to worry. A moment later, 76.5 degrees. As the temperature gauge on the thermal heat sensor crept closer and closer to 77.2 degrees, I really started to panic. Was it true? Had I really forgotten to switch my laundry from the washer to the dryer before leaving for the museum? If so, one thing was for sure: I’d be falling asleep in wet pajamas tonight.

I winced as the glass case that had covered the diamond slipped from my hand and hurdled towards the floor. In the blink of an eye, my cover was blown as a thousand glass shards spewed across the museum floor in one boisterous crash. “I guess this was the wrong time to teach myself how to juggle,” I concluded as I grabbed the diamond and ran from the room.

“They’ll never find me here,” I thought as I took my hiding spot in the storage room. Now all that was left to do was to sit tight and wait for the heat to die down. I closed my eyes and began to count the seconds. 1…2…3… “Found him,” a security guard yelled as he pulled back the sheet I’d thrown over my body. “He’s behind this crate counting out loud.”

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