Kids, Grandpa’s Gone Away Forever to Live on a Farm

Kids, come here – we have some bad news for you. You remember how last year your mother and I made the decision to take your dog, Muffin, out to that farm in the country so he could have more room to run and play? Yeah, well yesterday we also decided to take grandpa up there and drop him off.

Now, I know you’re going to miss your grandpa a whole bunch, but you have to realize that he’s in a better place now. I mean, you know we loved grandpa with all our hearts, but it just wasn’t fair for us to keep him cooped up in that small basement downstairs all day while we were at work and you were at school. That’s just not how grandpas should live. You saw how sad he was when you would leave for school – just staring at you with those big sad eyes as you walked down to the school bus.

That’s why he’ll be much happier running around and rolling in the big, open meadows all day on this great farm we found upstate.

And you two saw how much grandpa loved squirrels, right? He’d sit in that chair by the window for hours just looking out into the backyard with that goofy old smile of his – and every time he spotted a squirrel, boy, would he just go nuts. Well, now instead of being stuck inside without the ability to open the sliding glass door because of his arthritis, he can actually be out there on that farm shuffling after those squirrels in his house slippers!

No, Billy, I’m sorry but we can’t go visit him. But don’t worry, because there are lots of other old folks out there to keep him company. You should have seen the way they all ran out to greet us when we arrived. They shuffled alongside the car as we drove up the dirt path, and as soon as we got out, they all crowded around him before going off to play in the cornfields. He looked so happy!

Oh, and you should have met the nice family that owns the farm. You know how grandpa is usually very skeptical of strangers who are younger than him? Well, he just took to this family right away!

Of course, no family could replace the one that grandpa has right here, but this family will treat him real nice – I just know it. Trust me, they’ll give him lots of attention and treats every day, and if he’s really good I bet they’ll even rub rash cream on his tummy for him. Plus, out there in the country, they have a channel that is all Matlock and Murder, She Wrote re-runs – and you know how much grandpa loves those old mystery shows.

Oh my, and you should have seen the toy room they had set up. You walk in, and there are crossword puzzles as far as the eye can see. Grandpa picked one up off the floor and started playing with it right away like it was his.

The room also had lots of old, boring black-and-white movies with really bad special effects. And on one side of the room, they’ve got one long rack filled with nothing but cardigan sweaters. Grandpa will never have to worry about complaining about it being drafty again.

Also, in one corner of the room was the biggest button collection you’ve ever seen! And above that, a big old sign that said, “It’s a grandpa’s life.”

Boy, I wish you guys could have seen his face when we dropped him off. But like I said, we’re not allowed to visit him there, on account of the farm rules. But don’t worry, because that doesn’t mean we’ll never see him again. When mommy and daddy get older, we’ll go away and live on that farm too.

And eventually, so will you. Although, I’ll be honest, I hope you don’t get to go there for a long, long time. Even if it is just about the most amazing place you’ve ever seen.

——

If you liked this, then other humor blog posts you may like include:

You May Also Like: