Fool-Proof Ways to Protect Your Stuff From Getting Stolen

I’m not usually one to brag, but when it comes to avoiding theft, I can pretty much outsmart even the craftiest of criminal masterminds. You may think that protecting your home, car or personal belongings may require an investment into expensive security systems and sophisticated anti-theft devices. But when you’re as smart as I am, your cunning is really all you need to avoid ever getting robbed again. Some of my more ingenious anti-theft tactics are detailed below:

Fake Plastic Rocks

Want to have a spare house key on hand in case you get locked out, but don’t want would-be thieves to find it? If so, then all it takes to outsmart them is a single fake plastic rock. Pick one of these sneaky key holders up at a local retailer, and you can leave your home with the confidence that your hidden key with never get found by even the most intelligent thief.

I mean, look at these things –  they look EXACTLY like a real rock! If you have a couple other rocks laying in the yard, you might consider placing this charade in with the real things. However, if you’re like me, you’ll get tired of picking up those two other real rocks first every time you leave your original house key at the office or inside the pants you tried on at Mervyn’s. That’s why I eventually just took the fake rock and inconspicuously placed it alone by my front door.

Tip: If you’re routinely kicking that fake rock away from your front door because you keep mistaking it for a real rock, write something like, “key inside” on top of it to remind yourself of how sneaky you are.

Use Your Shoes as a Safe

Want to go swimming at the beach, but don’t want your wallet and keys to get all wet? If so, then take a tip from a pro and slip all your valuables inside one of your tennis shoes.

Now, I know what you’re thinking: “but wait, shoes aren’t for holding my things, they’re for holding FEET!” Well, guess what? This is exactly what a criminal thinks, too. As such, that dirty crook might look in the back pocket of your pants while you’re off playing in the ocean, but he’d never think to look inside a smelly old shoe!

On a similar note, if you just went shopping and you have a bunch of bags in your backseat, be smart and throw a blanket over it. Remember, when it comes to finding your valuables, thieves are like babies: they lack an understanding for object permanence.

Trusting Strangers

Have to use the restroom at a coffee shop, but don’t want to leave your expensive laptop all alone? If so, then do what you usually do when you’re in a bind and ask someone you’ve never met before to help you out. By asking a complete stranger to “keep an eye on it” for you, you will have safeguarded your valuable property from any unsavory characters in the shop.

Are you the only person in the coffee shop? If so, then write a note that says, “Will you watch my laptop for a minute?” and leave it on the table before heading off to the restroom. That way, if anyone comes into the shop while you’re away, they’ll know to be on the lookout for any thieves.


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