Poseidon Answers Your Questions

We all worship Poseidon and pray to him daily for such things as the safe passage of our ships, bountiful nets of fish and “hot mermaid action.” However, few of us mortals know much about the personal life of this cherished god of the sea. In an attempt to be more accessible to the world’s population, Poseidon has agreed to answer some of your questions. His answers are below:

Hey Poseidon, there sure have been a lot of earthquakes lately. Why are you so mad all the time? – Euripides

That’s a fair question. In the words of my psychiatrist, I have “rage issues.” I’m working on it, so please shark with me. In the meantime, I’d advise you not to curse my name or deface one of my statues unless you want your home to be swallowed by a sea serpent.

I’d like to thank you for sparing my city from the wrath of last month’s hurricane. What gift can I send to show my gratitude? – Apollonia

Please, no more tridents. A guy is randomly given a trident for his birthday one year, and all of sudden everyone thinks he’s a fan of tridents. Really, I’ve got more tridents than I could ever need – so thanks, but no thanks.

Beyond three-pronged paperweights, I’m not really that picky. Sacrifice a few horses in my honor and I’ll be appeased.

So, do you have gills or what? – Theodora

No, I’m actually just really, really good at holding my breath.

Kidding – no, you’re right. I have gills. They’re on the bottom of my feet.

Do you see your brothers often? – Corinna

Unfortunately, being brothers with Zeus is like swimming up a one-way current. I can’t tell you how many times I’ve been to Mt. Olympus to visit him. But does he ever come down to the depths to visit me? No, he doesn’t. I mean, sure he’s busy ruling the world and all, but you’d think he could make a little time for his own brother.

Me and Hades get together every Sunday to eat ambrosia and play Jenga.

Anything you don’t like about living at the bottom of the sea? – Herodes

The prune-y hands.

My girlfriend just moved to Corinth to be closer to her grandmother. My friend, Phaedrus, says long-distance relationships never work. What’s your take? – Kallistos

I am no goddess of love, but I’m inclined to agree with your friend. I once had to move to the Pacific for 6 months on business. The time proved disastrous for my romantic relationship (as well as the majority of the coastal cities in the New World).

Any grooming tips for a fellow beard enthusiast? – Simonides

Goby fish are great for cleaning out the crumbs.


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