8 of the Most Terrible Fictional Products From Cartoons

In cartoons, anything is possible. As a result, the show’s writers are able to write in any fictional product that sparks their imagination. In some cases, this results in mesmerizing products we all wish were real – like time machines or a super cool cloning device. In other cases, the writers dream up incredibly awful products that aren’t so much useful as they are a punch line. Here are eight of the most terrible fake products from cartoons:

Nuts and Gum – The Simpsons

How did such an abhorrent food combination ever come together? As Homer explains while pulling the product out of the cupboard, ” I’m a white male, age 18 to 49.  Everyone listens to me – no matter how dumb my suggestions are.”

Don’t Whiz on the Electric Fence – Ren and Stimpy

I think you’d be hard pressed to find someone willing to play this board game with you. Apparently, the goal is to find a safe place to pee. Fail to do so, and you end up whizzing on the electric fence.

ACME Disintegrating Pistol – Looney Tunes

With all the trouble ACME products gave Wile E. Coyote, one wonders why he kept ordering from their catalog. As you can see from the animated GIF, the disintegrating pistol doesn’t disintegrate your enemy– it just evaporates in your hand. Talk about a worthless product.

Suicide Booth – Futurama

Despite the convenience and low cost of the Stop-and-Drop Suicide Booths found on Futurama, I doubt I’d choose to use them if I was ever looking to kill myself. Available modes of death include “quick and painless,” “slow and horrible” and “clumsy bludgeoning.” And if you feel like splurging, well then you can also have your eyeballs scooped out. Truly, this is no dream product.

Do-It-Yourself Mr. Hankey Kit – South Park

Mr. Hankey, the Christmas Poo isn’t exactly the most sanitary Christmas hero. Despite this fact, the show features a live-action commercial in which a mom and her kids assemble Mr. Hankey from their own poo. Watch the commercial here.

Vincent Price’s Egg Magic – The Simpsons

How Vincent Price could ever agree to put his name on this product s beyond me. There are some pretty boring arts and crafts here in the real world, but there’s pretty much nothing exciting about painting a face on an egg. Plus, the kit doesn’t even come with the feet.

The Passion of the Christ 2: Crucify This – Family Guy

In a Mel Gibson-heavy episode, Peter stumbles upon a secret room in the actor’s house that reveals one of the worst sequel ideas of all time – Passion of the Christ 2. Thankfully, Peter is able to steal the film and successfully keep it out of the clutches of Mel and his toady priests.

Inspector Gadget

Of all the product fails in the history of TV, Inspector Gadget is one of the most epic. Despite being outfitted with a number of engineered upgrades, Inspector Gadget is simply too stupid and clumsy to make himself at all worthwhile. While some may claim that the real issue behind the failure of his machines is user error, there’s no denying that Inspector Gadget is a product for fighting crime that no real crime-fighting force would ever want.


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How to be an Eccentric Millionaire

If anyone knows how to have fun, it’s eccentric millionaires. Follow these easy tips, and you’ll become an enigmatic and influential legend in your community in no time:

1. Have Money

Eccentric people who don’t have money aren’t eccentric – they’re crazy. Unless you want to be locked up in a nut house or completely ignored by society, then you’ll have to become a millionaire before you start acting unorthodox.

2. Dress Lavishly (And Ridiculously)

Eccentric millionaires love spending money on clothing. However, not just any old suit and tie will do. If you want to adequately convince people that you are eccentric, consider wearing the following items:

  • Crushed velvet
  • The color purple
  • Top hat (yes, even at pool parties)
  • Monocle
  • One single, rhinestone glove
  • Sword cane

3. Lose Touch With Reality

Being eccentric means cutting ties with conventional norms and doing things your own way. In order to avoid the influence of public society, the best way to accomplish this is by losing touch with reality. Tried and true ways of accomplishing this include:

  • Isolating yourself from others
  • Wearing mercury-laced clothing
  • Taking ether
  • Being inbred
  • Locking yourself in a chocolate factory and licking the wallpaper

4. Have a Crippling Phobia

All the best eccentrics have a crippling phobia that adds to both their mystique and unbalanced mental state. While there are plenty of options to choose from, I’m inclined to suggest a germ phobia. This is because you’ll get to:

  • Wear Kleenex boxes as shoes
  • Quarantine yourself in a room (don’t forget the Nintendo)
  • Pee in jars

However, other solid options include a fear of public places, a fear of children (and their ridiculously oversized heads) and peladophobia – a fear of bald people.


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