How to Walk Around Like You Own the Place

Why would anyone want to walk around like they own the place? Well, there are a number of scenarios that may motivate you to make such a decision. Some of these scenarios include:

  • You want to feel more confident and self-assured
  • You want to play “boss” at work so your opinions will be taken seriously for once
  • You are homeless and need a place to sleep tonight
  • You are at a fun party with good music and funny hats and piñatas ( and also guacamole dip) and you want people to think you are the host that put it all together

Whatever the reason, tricking people into thinking you own the place is a great way to get what you want in life. Keep reading for tips on how to successfully walk around like you own the place:

Walk With a Purpose

People who own places don’t just meander from one place to another – they walk quickly and with purpose (because important people always have important things to do). While walking with a purpose typically means moving briskly with knees high and a determined look on your face, your actual walk may vary depending on your specific purpose. Ultimately, the actual purpose you choose is inconsequential – so long as you have one. Here are some good examples:

Purpose: To break things; Tip: Swing arms wildly

Purpose: To hurt people; Tip: Kick your feet and make karate chops with hands

Purpose: To kiss girls; Tip: Walk head first with lips in “kissy face” formation

Dress Like Someone Who Owns the Place

This cat knows what's up

Looking back through the entire history of land ownership, there are statistically three different types of people who are most likely to own property. These people are:

  • Rich Englishmen who wear suits and bowler hats (also, monocles)
  • Kings and queens who wear crowns and velvet capes
  • Southern slave owners who wear those shoestring bowties and drink mint juleps

As such, dressing like one of these individuals is sure to help sell that fancy new walk you’ve perfected in the step above.

Carry Around a Piece of Paper That Says “Deed to Property”

Occasionally, proper attire and walking technique aren’t enough to convince people you’re in charge and shouldn’t be arrested for redecorating “your” house by moving that TV into the moving van out back. For such an occasion, nothing says “landowner” like a piece of paper that says “Deed to Property” on the top. For best results, just hold the paper in your hand and push it into the faces of everybody as you walk past them.


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