Jeff Wysaski
When someone ugly asks you if you think they are pretty:
When you come back from going to the bathroom and someone is in your seat:
When you opened the school lunch your mom packed and there was no dessert:
When you spot someone hot across the room:
When someone says, “Hey, can I borrow your comput–“:
When someone won’t stop making fun of you:
When someone posts a GIF that loops right:
When a commercial comes on and you have to pee:
When you see a free sample at the grocery store:
When you’re getting ready for a date:
When you’re in a crowded room and have to go into contortionist mode to get to the other side:
When you’re drunk and have to pee:
What you picture when you’re swimming in a lake and something touches your leg:
When you show up late and your boss/teacher has the day off:
When you see your friends working at their jobs:
When giant brains break into your house and try to kill your family:
Most of these come from here, here and here. I came up with a few on my own.