Jeff Wysaski
It’s time for your Monday roundup of awesome tweets…
https://twitter.com/BromanConsul/status/499580210283429888
https://twitter.com/DanMentos/status/536748287055781889
*tightens straps on electric chair*
Any last words?
-I think male oysters should be called boysters
Omg will someone throw the damn switch— Brandon the Cow (@Brampersandon_) November 26, 2014
https://twitter.com/NicestHippo/status/531843367324626944
https://twitter.com/IRLPepperMD/status/538853062254010368
[at goverment office]
hi yes um.. my social security number isnt workimg. i've never once felt secure in a social situation— jonny sun (@jonnysun) November 21, 2014
https://twitter.com/DillDoes/status/535836740473200641
*shakes your hand horizontally instead of vertically so you know you're in for a friendship with challenges that will make us stronger*
— Dan Polish Last Name (@danjan13) November 21, 2014
Is it okay to break up by text if you've only been married two years?
— Brother Kate (@LadyBroseph) August 27, 2014
[Calls boss]
I won't be in today
"Why?"
*looks at hamsters in tin foil suits of armour ready for medieval battle reenactments*
Heart attack.— GoaT FacE (@EndhooS) October 3, 2014
7 year resume gap marked "Not Drugs"
— Cullen Crawford (@HelloCullen) March 19, 2014
https://twitter.com/ibid78/status/514377372918087680
me when other people get sick: it's probably bc of their awful garbage lifestyle
me when i get sick: why do bad things happen to good people— KING RAINHEAD (@KingRainhead) November 25, 2014
The older you get the more holidays become about keeping your father off a ladder
— mike ginn (@shutupmikeginn) November 27, 2014
https://twitter.com/philyuck/status/538406741256327170