Jeff Wysaski
The folks on Ask Reddit recently translated a bunch of the Bible’s classic passages into the language of Dr. Seuss. Click through to see their brilliant results… [h/t neatorama]
One Fish, Two Fish, Red Fi . . . wait. . . Three Fish, Four Fish, Five Fish . . .
Attention attention my daughters and sons. The end times of mankind has truly begun. I’m sending four horseman to travel around, and the sound of the horses will tremble the ground. The White horse is sickness, and plagues does he carry. No laughter, no fun, just more dysentery. The red horse is next violent, destruction his course. War is the rider that rides on this horse. The black horse rides next and it’s name is famine, it eats up all of the food to the very last salmon. The final rider on the pale horse, so grim. This Rider is Death, no escaping from him. My friends and my children I fear this is it, it’s time now for the Apocalypse
Elisha was walking, on a day that was sunny. When some children approached him, said his bald head was funny.
They laughed and they pointed, they made him feel bad. They mocked him, which rocked him – and made him so mad!
He stayed as they teased him, and then decided to go, he turned back to face them, saying “I’m God’s friend, you know…”
And as soon as he said that, a chill rose in the air. “Look!” the kids shouted. “In the trees, it’s a bear!”
But it wasn’t just one bear, holy smokes, it was two! And they massacred those kids, as bears are known to do.
They mauled them, and hauled them – and tore them apart. Over there flew a leg, over here flew a heart.
And Elisha just watched, then he winked to the skies. “I’m happy I know God, and that God likes bald guys.
2 Kings 2:23-25
In the beginning was nothing, not even a mite.
God stubbed his toe and said, “Let there be light!”
I am Jesus, Jesus-I-Am
That Jesus-I-Am, That Jesus-I-Am, I will not deny that Jesus-I-Am.
Will you deny that Jesus-I-Am? I will not deny that Jesus-I-Am.
Would you deny that Jesus-I-Am? Would you deny him here or there? I would not deny him here or there. I would not deny him anywhere. I would not deny that Jesus-I-Am.
See more over on reddit