Mike
15 of the funniest tweets you’ll ever read in the next minute.
(Interview to be a hot dog vendor at a baseball park)
INTERVIEWER: how loud can you yell 'hot dogs'?
ME: (eyes go completely black) HOT DOGS— Michael Raphone, Sr. (@michael_raphone) June 21, 2015
i'm so sick of having to get my cheesecake, burlington coats and old spaghetti from completely separate factories
— garth james this website is hell (@garbagecoven) February 15, 2017
Roses are red, wrestling is real pic.twitter.com/haskP1JpMK
— Brian Gaar (@briangaar) April 28, 2017
I feel a special bond w/ ppl that always pop up in my 'May Know' Facebook window. Like u see me,I see u &we've both agreed not to be friends
— Randi Lawson (@RandiLawson) April 4, 2017
I'm so goth I only line my parrot's cage with obituaries
— Andy Richter (@AndyRichter) April 29, 2017
My ex left because I "lack imagination".
"Yeah? Well you lack imagination!", I shouted after her.
— Ben (@0point5twins) January 14, 2015
Top 5 Sex Positions
360 McRibb
Doubletap FaZe no scope
Reverse naenae windmill
The Jason Decullo
Shadow realm phantom pumpfake— ^_^ (@BBWslayer666) April 27, 2017
"How's life?"
Me: pic.twitter.com/xsbIqg2fMl
— yeah boooiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii (@danielguymyers) April 27, 2017
Star Wars is just like regular wars except you fall in love with your sister and your dad chops your arm off.
— Cats don’t care about politics (@iLikeCatShirts) February 3, 2014
Rembrandt was unsurpassed in his ability to depict light and shadow in his works, until the camera came out. then he got insanely surpassed
— Mike F (@mikefossey) June 24, 2014
ME: (meeting the devil) I love your eggs.
— Tommytoughstuff (@Tommytoughstuff) April 25, 2017
https://twitter.com/DatAinoDamPuppy/status/315178233920356352
I'm on chapter two of the dictionary and this thing is just so disconnected. Like, what happened to the aardvark from the beginning?
— Dan Polish Last Name (@danjan13) April 28, 2014
We get it poets: things are like other things
— shut up, mike ginn (@shutupmikeginn) September 8, 2014
*taps on a super old dude's oxygen tank* you know that you can get this stuff for free right
— content provider (@cwhudson) August 17, 2015