Beautiful Lies Parents Told Their Children (20 Pics)

Sometimes it’s just easier to lie. And sometimes it’s just more entertaining. [via acidcow]



28 responses to Beautiful Lies Parents Told Their Children (20 Pics)

  1. My mom really hated Gumby for whatever reason, so she told me that Gumby was a show that only grownups could watch, like South Park.

    1. At my house one year Santa thought mommy got left out for him. I saw him kiss her. 9 months later I had a new baby brother.
      I never liked that pointy-eared bastard. He always ate my cookies.

  2. At my house Santa gets cookies and milk even though Santa really doesn’t like cookies and milk and would much prefer Chips and Beer. That cookie and milk is my least favorite meal every damn year.

  3. One Christmas Santa happened to be on a diet, just like my mother…so he got sugar free cookies. At the time I thought it was a huge coincidence.

  4. Not gonna lie, the one about your ears turning red when you lie is genius. I’m definitely going to have to use it when I have children.

  5. The “no replacement batteries for that toy” one is pretty genius.

    The reclining seats on an airplane one, fuckety fuck you. The seats are supposed to all be in their upright position during takeoff and landing, and with how close together the rows on airplanes are now, reclining your seat at all is a major dick move, and if you do it, expect to get kicked.

  6. Wait, Chuck E. Cheese isn’t just for birthdays? I believed the same thing until just now at age 34. Granted I never really like it there anyway but you can just walk in ?

    1. If you walk in as a random 34 year old by yourself they keep an eye on you. They don’t keep the police department SVU on speed dial for nothing. And before anyone goes there you should dig up the chuck e chees employee ask me anything on reddit form years ago, lots of good reasons to not set foot in one.

  7. I don’t want to be a wet blanket here but . . . although I know some of these are jokes and Santa is a lie to begin with — but at least that’s more a socially-acceptable (even, to some, mandatory) part of childhood — but, yeah, lying to kids is, in general, really a terrible idea.

    Yeah, I know some parents get a kick out of tricking their kids (and making said kids feel stupid when they find out the truth from other people) but seriously . . . way to instill a lack of trust. And the ears turn red if you tell a lie thing — lying to teach kids not to lie makes as much sense as telling kids “Don’t hit people” followed by a parental smack. /rant

    signed, a mother of two grown “kids” who always knew I’d never steer them wrong or try to make them look bad.

    1. I hate to break it to you….but you’re definitely a wet blanket. A big, huge soggy wet blanket. Because telling your kids- “yeah, the ice cream truck is about to come down our street, but to be honest, I just dont want to give you 75 cents today…” or “go ahead and leave Santa whatever you want, he isnt real anyway, kids…”
      Telling your kids that their ears turn red when they lie is not really a lie. Its adjusting to their age and mentality. Trying to find a way to educate them that a lie is not good, no matter which way you look at it.
      I cant judge you because i dont know you. You very well may be a fantastic mother, or maybe your kids should be in foster homes, i dont know. But what i do know is that parenting has taken a very steep dive in the past 3 decades. Its all so black and white now. Its awful. Idk about anyone else, but i know that where i grew up, if we were bad, and i mean really bad, then our fathers gave us the belt. And we deserved it. And looking back, there was nothing wrong with that either. It was parental guidance, and it worked well. These days, are you kidding? Any father who takes a belt to their kids’ ass would end up in handcuffs. Even a swift smack in the mouth is considered child abuse. And for what reason?? Its already been proven several times over that the vast majority of kids who dont get a good amount of discipline end up on the wrong side of the tracks as they get older. But parents are still as lenient as ever with disciplining their kids. Its a pathetic joke, to be honest. And now that schools and teaching is at an all time low, we are really ending up with some messed up kids. In fact, American teenagers today are considered the dumbest to ever walk the earth. And THAT is a statistical FACT. look it up if you dont believe me.

  8. You know those big growth that trees sometimes have? My dad told me those trees had eaten kids and those bulges were the kids being digested. All so I wouldn’t go wandering in the woods alone. I also grew up reading the Brother’s Grimm fairy tales so I had an imaginative childhood!

  9. “If you swallow your gum, after awhile all of the gum you swallow forms into a big giant ball of gum and eventually you could die in your sleep.”

  10. I grew up in Boston, and every weekend at the grocery store, there would always be a cop on detail at the front of the store.
    Whenever we went on the weekends, my mother would tell us that SHE was the one who called him to be there. So he could make sure we didnt ask for too much. And if we did, we would be arrested.

  11. As a kid, around 5 or 6, I was deathly afraid of “aliens”, thinking that they would one day abduct me. My mother took advantage of that by telling me that they dont want anything to do with me. They only want to abduct adults and only the little kids who woke up before 8am on weekends.

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