Noah Berman
Sure, our prison system is overcrowded as it is, but at the same time, if we just let everyone go around leaving shopping carts wherever the hell they want, can we really say we’re living in a “society.” Yea, that’s what I thought. To that end, I submit we find the following people, give them a trial by jury (because this is still America,) then lock them up for a few years.
1. Airplane passengers who think this is OK.
2. Whoever did this…
3. And whoever cuts pizza like this, which is likely the same degenerate responsible for #2.
4. Anyone who doesn’t sync their kitchen clocks.
5. Travelers who think airport gate seats are actually beds.
6. Shoppers who abandon their food just wherever the f**k they want…
7. Or just open them and leave them anywhere.
8. And let’s not forget shoppers who block the aisles with their carts…
9. Then inevitably take those carts out into the parking lot and block parking spaces with them.
10. Whoever invented this — good lord, why wouldn’t you just buckle up?
11. Roommates who do this.
12. Savages who open their chips from the bottom.
13. Whoever invented this.
14. These a**holes.
15. Mailmen who aren’t quite sure what “bend” means.
16. Barnes & Noble employees who don’t understand how books work. (Hot tip: no amount of anti-shoplifting strategy is going to make up for how much money Amazon will take from you legally.)
16.5
People who call it ” Barnes & Nobles” instead of “Barnes & Noble.”
17. Cyclers who think this is how bike racks work.
18. The contractor who couldn’t have just put this evenly into the empty slot.
19. Psychopaths who don’t refill the ice tray.
20. Sociopath bus riders who dangle their hair all over everyone else’s business.
21. Whoever did this.
22. And this.
23. And this.
24. Lunatics who think their bags are passengers.
25. Very unstable individuals who allow their desktops to look like this.
26. Give people who do this to restaurant condiments 25-to-life.
