Mike
While dogs give their love freely, you have to earn it from a cat, and even then it doesn’t guarantee they won’t be complete and total jerks. They’ll bring dead creatures into your house. They’ll knock your freshly poured drink off the table just for fun. They’ll even completely ignore you but demand your attention the second they desire it. Do they feel bad about any of this? Not even a little.
1. Doesn’t respect anyone who has a job.
2. At least you’ll get a small break from their torment.
3. Seriously doubt the hamster had it coming.
4. Most definitely not sorry.
5. Go to hell, Freckle.
6. Can’t? More like won’t.
7. You’re worth $50 tops.
8. This cat used to be all white.
9. Get another fish and see what happens.
10. Not a great roommate.
11. Does boarding school take cats?
12. Does this taste funny to you?
13. You’re next, mailman.
14. What? At least I used the box this time.
15. Sounds like someone just became an outdoor cat.
16. Counting that as two meals.
17. Get this cat it’s own rug and poop on it.
18. Use it to knit this cat a sweater.
19. I was on my lunch break.
20. The poster child for smug.
21. And even then not really.
22. It worked, didn’t it?
23. Get an actual monkey.
24. Not a toy.
25. Oh good, more cats.
26. Perv.
27. A lesson probably wasn’t learned.
28. Get out.
29. Come on, dog.
30. Go ahead and say something. Your teacher will never believe you.
