Roommate Notes Found in the Hall of Justice

Wonder Woman, you parked your invisible plane in my spot again. Backed the Batmobile right into it. You owe me a new bumper – Batman

Hulk, we have a front door for a reason. Please stop smashing through my bedroom wall. And I don’t care how long Hawkman said you could crash on the couch, you need to get out. Thanks, Green Lantern.

Everyone, RENT IS DUE! I’m not paying it all again. Either get your alter ego a job or get out – Batman

Hey Flash – STOP EATING MY HOT POCKETS! – Martian Manhunter

Marvin, Wonderdog took a shit on my jumpsuit again. If you can’t take care of that dog I swear to God I’m going to slingshot him into the stratosphere – Plastic Man

Green Lantern, I borrowed that pretty ring of yours for my date last night (matched my outfit). I’m so sorry, but I left it at the restaurant and they couldn’t find it when I called them this morning– my bad. Here’s $10 to replace. Thanks, Black Canary

Hawkman, please stop trimming your feathers over the toilet. Or at least clean them off the toilet seat when you’re done. I’m sick of wiping those course little things off with toilet paper every time I need to take a dump – The Flash

Who peed in the pool? – Aquaman

Robin, can you and Batman PLEASE keep it down at night? All that banging is keeping me up and you know I have to get up early for work – Wonder Woman

Moving back to the Fortress of Solitude. Screw you all – Superman


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Tweets From Batman

Batman cape caught in revolving door at Neiman-Marcus. Waiting for security.

Batman RT @Riddler Riddle me this: What are the chilliest 12 inches in he world? // Help followers! Gotham City is in peril!

Batman omfg final episode of LOST you guys!

Batman for sale: Bowflex and elliptical. Doing P90X so don’t need anymore. Message me if interested.

Batman @CommissionerGordon saw the Bat Signal. On my way, but caught in traffic.

Batman just bought more stock in Wayne Enterprises. You should too!

Batman purple pants? Look at this fucking hipster.

Batman getting hungry waiting for @Joker. You think Pizza Hut delivers to abandoned warehouse? LOL.

Batman @Riddler Cold Feet!

Batman Blacberty keypwd and kevlor glovez dun’t mix


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Mad Scientist Career Outlook Profile

Mad scientists apply the principles of science and mathematics in an attempt to bring a myriad of evil, self-promoting schemes to fruition. While the ultimate goal of a mad scientist may be world domination, other, lesser career aspirations may include exacting revenge on a perceived antagonist, re-animating corpses and tricking a girl into falling in love with him.

Job duties of a mad scientist may include:

  • Setting up and maintaining laboratory equipment
  • Monitoring experiments
  • Robbing graves
  • Kidnapping live human specimens
  • Controlling the weather
  • Attaching lasers to sharks or bears
  • Standing over colored, bubbling test tubes and laughing maniacally

The majority of mad scientists work indoors in laboratory settings. Due to the inherent secrecy of the profession, most labs are found in rural or remote areas. Locations that boast the largest populations of mad scientists include underground lairs deep below the earth’s surface, the interior cavity of active volcanoes, and hollowed-out chambers within the four presidential heads of the Mt. Rushmore monument.

While post-secondary education is not a requirement for employment within the field, a master’s or doctoral degree is often beneficial for the purposes of understanding the complexities of such advanced topics as human biology, germ warfare and skin-melting chemical compounds. College graduates also benefit from the opportunity to be over-shadowed by the scientific pursuits of a more good-natured and humanitarian student, which studies have shown is a key factor in achieving success in the field.

Beyond formal education, a considerable amount of real-world experience is also suggested for the aspiring mad scientist. Extracurricular activities that may improve job prospects include losing touch with reality, learning to work with and around chloroform-soaked rags and physically enlarging his or her brain through the use of radioactive materials or other means.

Personality traits that may be beneficial for mad scientists include dementia, lack of social skills, callousness towards the emotions of others, megalomania and the ability to multitask.

Potential work hazards for the professional mad scientist are unusually high in comparison to other professions, and include everything from accidental poisoning and incineration to being assaulted by a mob of villagers carrying torches or foiled by a suave government agent right after detailing his or her entire plot for world domination.

Recent advancements in the fields of cloning, mind control and ray gun technology suggest that overall job prospects for mad scientists will grow much faster than the average of all U.S. professions. In fact, by the year 2015, experts project that an evil cadre of mad scientists will supplant themselves as global leaders of the human race through the use of subliminal hypnosis and heat-ray vision.

Earning potential for these industry leaders is estimated to be $3,500,000,000,000 annually.


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Welcome to My Secret Mountain Lair

Ah, well if it isn’t the second and third most maniacal evil geniuses on the planet! Massive Brain. Intellibot. I welcome you to my secret mountain lair!  Did you have any trouble finding the place? Please say YES! It is supposed to be a SECRET mountain lair, after all.

What’s that? Google Maps!? The address of my SECRET mountain lair is on Google Maps!? How could they have found Megalomaniac Avenue already!? It’s not even paved yet…and the entrance is obstructed by that giant hologram image of a rockslide!

secret mountain lairNo matter, I will deal with the simpletons at Google in due time. For now, let me show you around the place. Massive Brain, I think you’ll find it even more technologically advanced than your hidden castle in the sky. And Intellibot, well, I think it’s safe to say your “subterranean lair,” I mean MOTHER’S BASEMENT, just can’t compete with the sheer demented genius of my new dwelling!

Right in here is my workshop – the place where I map out all my evil plans and piece together my weapons of destruction. Everything an evil genius could possibly ever need is right here in this room – plutonium for creating nuclear weapons, full-body robot suits for heavy lifting, human torsos for target practice. Oh! And a ping-pong table over there in the corner. For relaxing.

I’m sure you can guess from the cries for help that my torture chamber is right through here. As you can see from all the boxes, I’m still in the process of unpacking. But don’t worry, the human slaves are just fine. I made sure to poke plenty of air holes in the cardboard. After, all, you know how much I HATE tracking down new human specimens. All that chloraform. And if they run, then you have to drag them back to the truck. No thanks!

Over here is the garage. I’ve divided the vehicles into groups based on type – helicopters and hovercrafts to your right, land tanks and invisi-cars to your right, and straight ahead, well, that’s the kayak.

I’m not much for sea travel – I can’t swim after all.

In here is the media room with big screen TV. Netflix just sent me Ghosts of Girlfriends Past. We’ll watch it later.

Here’s my guest room. Master Disaster is staying here at the moment. He and his wife have been going through a rough – oh, what the? DAMN IT MASTER DISASTER! I told you to put your dirty underwear in the clothes hamper three times already! My guests don’t want to see this!

Oh, don’t give me that! Do I need to kick you out!? Tricera-Bot has just been begging to move in – and he said he’d pay rent!

Sorry about that friends. Let’s move on. Over here is the vacuum chamber where I regenerate my youth each night.

And finally, the piece de resistance, in a room all its own – THE DEATH ORB!

OH GOD DAMN IT! The death orb’s been stolen! Master Disaster, did you leave the back door unlocked again!? You did, didn’t you? God damn it!! Do you know how many human souls it takes to build a freaking death orb!? I swear, every time I get close to world domination, you come along and screw it up somehow. I don’t even need a superhero arch nemesis. I HAVE YOU!

Alright guys, that’s it, tours over. I hope you liked the place, but now I’m going to have to ask you to leave. We’ll watch Ghosts of Girlfriends Past another time. I guess I’m going to be up all night luring humans into my ’88 Dodge Caravan – some way to spend a Friday evening. THANKS A LOT MASTER DISASTER!


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