Jeff Wysaski
That’s right, I have so many trophies, I had to build an entire fucking room just to fucking show them all off. And this isn’t your run-of the mill, normal-sized piece-of-shit room either. This mother fucking room is so God damn huge, it’s unbelievable. Not literally, of course, but in a crazy, bat-shit bonkers kind of way. In fact, this trophy room is so insanely massive, the pussy-ass Trophy Room Store didn’t even have a floor plan big enough to accommodate my ridiculous amassment of trophies.
I HAD TO HAVE THIS SHIT CUSTOM MADE!
Just how big am I talking here? Let’s put it this way, if my kick-ass trophy room was the mayor of Midget Town, all those fucking midgets would need binoculars just to see what kind of mustache was growing on the lip of their gigantic fucking mayor (Fu Manchu). This mayor is so donkey-balls enormous, you’d think he wasn’t a midget at all. In fact, if I told you how tall he was, you’d probably think I was actually talking about a freakishly tall normal human being. You’d be wrong though. He’s just a really fucking big midget. Those stubby-ass arms and legs are a dead giveaway. And my trophy room is just as fucking monstrous as he is.
Don’t even bother asking me what the square footage of this colossal beast of a trophy room is, because I have no fucking clue! This shit is so huge, it would be impossible to measure! Even if I went out and bought, like, the longest tape measure in the fucking world, I probably wouldn’t even make it past the 4th fucking display case!
I guess I could maybe call in a team of scientists to come in with a bunch of lasers and shit to calculate the cavernous square footage of this behemoth of a trophy room, but why bother? I don’t need some shitty scientist to tell you that this ridiculously massive trophy room is assloads bigger than any other trophy room you’ve ever seen.
You want to come over and see it? By all fucking means. Just be sure to bring some sunglasses. Because this enormous trophy room has a huge sunroof and shitloads of windows, and when that much light hits that many trophies, you’re gonna need some serious fucking UV protection. Oh, and be sure to wear some closed-toed shoes too, because the sheer size of this room is so unreal it will KNOCK YOUR FUCKING SOCKS OFF!