Today is Tugboat Day, and you know what that means. Tugboats! And lots of them.
Don’t bother telling me the itinerary – I know the drill. My captain’s hat and ascot are laid out and ready to be worn. My bushel of corn-on-the-cob is in a wicker basket (per regulation rules) and ready to be roasted. And my block of wood is by the door and ready to be whittled.
If this is your first Tugboat Day, well I only have one question for you: where the heck have you been!? Under a rock probably, because Tugboat Day is hands down the BEST day of the year.
Alright now, calm down. I know what you’re thinking – “There’s no way Tugboat Day is better than Veteran’s Day! And what about National Grandparent’s Day!?” Believe me, I said the exact same thing 4 years ago. But I’m telling you, once you see all those tugboats, your enthusiasm for all those old people is just gonna go right out the window!
If you want me to tell you all about Tugboat Day, you can just forget it. I AM NOT gonna spoil the surprise for you. This is something that just has to be seen to be believed!
Okay, one thing I will say is that there will be LOADS of tugboats. Also, I’ll give you some fair warning and let you in on a little secret: get there early! Otherwise, you’ll be hugging pine with the rest of the Johnny Come Latelys down on Main Street. And trust me, there are VERY FEW tugboats way back on Main Street!
When you get down to the marina, there will be plenty of tugboats waiting for you. If you’re anything like I was the first time I went, you’ll probably freak out and start screaming “Look at the tugboats! Look at the tugboats!” This is natural, but if you want to sound like a pro, you should know that us pros don’t go around shouting stuff like that.
Nope, because that’s just unprofessional. So if you want to fit in with the rest of us, I suggest fighting your instincts, and instead screaming “Look at the tugs! Look at the tugs!”
Because that’s what people in-the-know call tugboats. Tugs.
If you’re worried about getting seasick, I’ll go ahead and say you’ve got nothing to worry about. Because these tugboats aren’t for riding – they’re for admiring! If you want my advice, I recommend bringing some binoculars so you can really get in there and see all the details. If you don’t have binoculars, then don’t even think about asking to borrow mine. Sorry buddy, but I’ve got tugboats to see, so those binoculars are gonna be glued to my eye sockets all day!
Okay, I could tell you more, but seriously, just throw on a captain’s hat and get your butt down to the marina. Speaking of which, I see the sun is rising, so I’ve got to get a move on!
Oh my God! I can’t believe it! It’s finally here!! Can you believe it!? TODAY IS TUGBOAT DAY!!!