I Want a Video Game…

Like a lot of people, I’ve been thinking about fantasy video games that I would love to play. Here’s what I want:

I want a video game where the heroes don’t use fists or gun, but instead, words and reason. Also, flamethrowers.

I want a video game with a story that incorporates a bullwhip, sends me far away from home and really makes me want to cry in the end.  We could call it: My Evil Step-Dad.

I want a video game set in the present-day border town of El Paso, TX. Or as the rest of Texas calls it, New Mexico’s Erection.

I want a video game where you give massages to old people. Each level would just be you rubbing the neck of some nice old lady, making her feel nice and comfortable. Then, when you raise the life points of the lady enough to pass the level, you get to snap her neck and drink her life force.

I want a video game where you collect slabs of concrete instead of 1-ups and hearts. Because in this game, life is a highway and, baby, I wanna ride it all night long.

I want a video game hero that has the stealth of Solid Snake, the smarts of Sherlock Holmes and the sex appeal of Ms. PacMan.

I want a video game buddy that doesn’t just quit halfway through the game. Because that’s just lazy, and I hate lazy people. Maybe it was just how I was raised, but I believe when you start something, you better finish it. Otherwise, you’re nothing but a

I want a video game where you’re the criminal and you get to commit all sorts of cool crimes. Like insider trading.

I want a video game that literally puts me in the game. The game should have sensors that let me feel, touch and taste the world around me. The game should also have pancakes.

What do you think?

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