Jeff Wysaski
Pleated Jeans has received an OVERWHELMING number of questions (two) related to yesterday’s post (How To Find Your Spirit Animal). Most of these questions were of the “I found my spirit animal, now what?” variety. Rather than answer these questions one-by-one (or point you all to this amazing, yet virtually unknown, technology known as “Google Search“), we have decided to devote an ENTIRE new post to the subject of spirit animals!
So what is the meaning of your spirit animal? Well, he or she is here for one of three reasons: to send you a message, to teach you something important or to eat your human flesh so that it may absorb your life force and grow exceedingly more powerful.
Since those confronting the latter are most certainly dead by now, we need only address the first two subjects. Here are the common messages and teachings associated with some of the most prevalent spirit animal guides:
The Great Bear: bears are meticulous, introspective and long-term planners. They store fat in the summer in preparation for hibernation in the winter, and will teach you the same. No doubt, your napping skills will increase tenfold with the guidance of the Great Bear.
Famous Bear People: Penelope Cruz, Rip Van Winkle
The Wolf: Wolves are meticulous, communal creatures with exceptional patience. They are known to run in packs for over 30 miles a day in pursuit of food. As such, the wolf guide is likely telling you that you need to run a marathon. Why? My guess is to impress a girl.
Famous Wolf People: Simon Pegg, Lance Armstrong, all Kenyans
The Turtle: Turtles may be slow and steady, but their hard exterior shells serve as an extremely capable defense mechanism. As such, your turtle spirit likely wants you to build up your own defenses by fusing your body between several thick plates of stainless steel. Welding skills may also be taught.
Famous Turtle People: Sir Lancelot, Robocop
The Spider: Armed with their fascinating web-building skills, spiders are knowledgeable in the ways of intrigue and attraction. If you are single, a spider will teach you how to “catch” a proper mate and hold onto him or her for eternal happiness. Hint: buy a large net, you’re going to need it.
Famous Spider People: Anna Nicole Smith, Marty Turco
The Owl: Have you been unsuccessful in your attempts of ambushing mice and other ground critters from your home in the trees? A spirit owl can change all of that.
Famous Owl People: The Pied Piper, James Gandolfini
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