Jeff Wysaski
Yo Gran,
Thanks so much for the shark tooth necklace!! You are the dopest! Ever since that plastic ruby fell out of the eye of my skull-and-cross-bones necklace, I’ve been on the prowl for an even edgier replacement! And Gran, you hit the nail RIGHT ON THE HEAD with this one!
I mean, this piece of bling is PERFECT! It sends just the right message. I wore it out to the club when me and my bros went out for my birthday, and you should have seen the kind of vibe this piece of supreme neck wear was giving off to the chicas. I could just tell what they were thinking, “A shark tooth necklace? WOW! That hotty is DANG-ER-OUS. I just love a man who can accessorize!”
And Gran, those babes weren’t lying. I looked SMOKIN. I’m talking Affliction dragon boots, super distressed jeans and an Ed Hardy hat, tilted at the most AMAZING angle! And right there at the center of it all? Your killer shark tooth necklace, framed perfectly between my unbuttoned D&G shirt and resting atop my freshly shaved chest.
I got loads of comments on it. These two hottiez with a Z told me it was “super cool” and “looked wicked with my barbed wire tattoo.” And they used air quotes and everything when they said it, so you know they were TOTALLY SWEATIN IT!
Everyone was asking me where I got it. Hope you don’t mind, but I told them I swiped it as a souvenir from a shark I killed while saving these triplet bikini models on my trip to Ibiza. You know, for extra bonus points.
Speaking of which, if anyone asks, I wasn’t at the family reunion in Wichita Falls last month. I was in Ibiza.
Oh, and thanks for including the gift receipt and everything, but as you can tell from my enthusiasm, there is absolutely NO WAY I’m taking this crazy awesome necklace back to Ross Dress For Less! Let some other douche bag get his hands on this BALLIN piece of man jewelry? NOT BLOODY LIKELY!!
I tell you Gran, this is your best B-day present EVER. Even better than that Von Dutch hat you got me a few years back! Yeah, it’s THAT good!
A-ight Gran, I gotta jet. Toni & Guy’s having a sale on hair wax and I gotta get down there before they close. Look at us – shopping for bargains! I learned from the best! Ha, peace Gran.
Much love,
Your Spoon Fulla Sugar!
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