Jeff Wysaski
Greetings nudist enthusiasts and friends! If you are receiving this e-mail, than you have expressed interest in joining us at the 9th annual Glen Oaks nudist community picnic! If you are a first-timer to the picnic (or public nudity in general), then you likely have a few questions about the day’s festivities. Luckily, us nudists aren’t afraid to bare all – which means we’ve got all your answers right here in this handy FAQ!
What exactly is a nude picnic all about?
A whole lot of fun, that’s what!! Besides having the time of your life, nude picnics are meant to be a family-friendly day filled with food, friends and field games! So bring your kids and leave your inhibitions at the door!
What kind of food will be available at the picnic?
BBQ chicken, hot dogs and hamburgers will all be provided. We ask that all groups bring at least one side dish that may be shared among the group. Popular options include bananas, popsickles and anything on a stick. (note: napkins will not be provided. If, for some reason, you would rather not wipe your hands off on your naked body, please bring your own).
Do I need to bring any clothes?
No, clothed individuals will not be allowed to board the departing buses from the Glen Oaks parking lot. This includes ALL forms of clothing (socks, fanny packs, watches, belts with pockets on them, etc.). One exception – a pair of cowboy boots may be brought, provided they are worn for square dance purposes only! Also, please bring a towel for sanitary purposes (we’d like to avoid the great stain incident of the 2007 musical chairs tournament).
Do I have to be attractive to participate in the beauty pageant?
Heavens no! Nudists do not abide by the same superficial criteria for attractiveness as the Normals out there in the real world (which is a good thing, because very few nudists are “attractive” in the typical sense of the word). As such, anyone can enter the beauty pageant, regardless of age, weight or gender. This year’s contestants will be judged based on four categories: smile, number and degree of tan lines, symmetry of fat folds and a talent portion.
Will ping-pong balls be made available for the talent portion of the beauty pageant?
Yes ladies, don’t worry. Plenty of ping-pong balls will be on-hand.
As a first-timer, I’m worried I may get an erection.
You better! At Glen Oaks, an erection is nothing to be ashamed about! In fact, much like saluting a superior officer in the army, an erection is considered a sign of respect and reverence. Don’t worry, everyone will be walking around with erections – especially once the tug of war tournament begins.
What time does the tug of war tournament begin?
1 pm. To ensure a smooth rotation of teams, please remember to place team members along the rope in size order (length, not girth).
Are there any sexually related activities at this picnic?
The Glen Oaks nudist picnic is a family-oriented event. Children will be present the entire day, from the 10 a.m. sign-in all the way until the kids bus arrives at 9 pm. As such, the orgy is scheduled for 9:01 pm.
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