Jeff Wysaski
At some point or another, we’ve all closed our eyes and made a wish. But having a wish come true isn’t as simple as throwing a penny into a fountain or blowing out a bunch of birthday candles. If you really want to really make a wish come true, then you’re going to have to work hard at it and take some initiative.
Why? Because in the world of reality and science, the only way for us adults to TRULY make a wish come true is by catching a leprechaun.* And catching a leprechaun is a really tough thing to do (though not as hard as making a wish come true through sheer hard work and dedication).
However, with a little luck and a lot of stick-to-it-attiveness, you really can catch a leprechaun and force him to grant you a wish. Here’s how to do it:
Know how to identify and find a leprechaun: Before you can catch a leprechaun, you have to know what they look like. Leprechauns are funny-looking creatures that wear all green. Such creatures can be found cobbling shoes in enchanted forests, having picnics in dewy glens, and playing basketball at TD Banknorth Garden in Boston.
Set your trap: Once you know that a leprechaun is in the area, it’s time to set an intricate trap. You know that complex trap that you use to catch mice with in the board game Mouse Trap? Well that’s the kind of thing you’re going to need here – because leprechauns love board games. Mouse Trap is a good one, but other leprechaun favorites include Jenga, Don’t Break the Ice and Monopoly (Scooby Doo edition).
Buy your board game and set it up in the forest, glen or east coast basketball court of your choosing. Then, lure the leprechaun over by opening up a bag of their favorite snack (Cool Ranch Doritos) and go hide somewhere close.
Wait for the leprechaun: Eventually, the leprechaun will smell the Doritos and come running. When he sees the board game, he will sit down and start to play. Of course, he will quickly realize that he can’t play the game by himself, and he will anxiously look around to see if he can find anyone to play him.
About this time, you should come wandering out of your hiding place. Normally, the leprechaun would immediately run away at the sight of you, but a leprechaun’s hatred for humans is always outweighed by his love for board games. He will ask you to play and, after you feign some reluctance, you will sit down and join him.
Let the leprechaun win: despite the light mood created by the board game, the leprechaun will remain on high alert in your presence. The only way to lower his guard so you have a chance at catching him is to let him win the game. After he wins, he will begin to dance around, all the while gloating and trash talking you. This is your time to strike.
Grab that leprechaun: When the leprechaun closes his eyes to soak up his victory, grab the Doritos Cool Ranch bag (it should be empty by now) and slam it down over the leprechaun’s head. Scoop him up and quickly throw him into your enchanted box of invisibility. If you don’t have an enchanted box of invisibility, then, if you have to, use a regular box of invisibility (or just hold him by the foot).
Make your wish: Trapped, the leprechaun will barter for his freedom by granting you one wish. I assume you will wish to be transformed into a leprechaun yourself, so the two of you may laugh and play in the elfin world for all eternity. But if not, then I guess just go ahead and make whatever boring wish you want. Then, be nice and let the leprechaun go (note: for added fun, pretend to lift the box of invisibility away, then laugh as the leprechaun slams into the side when he tries to run away).
*Children can also make a wish by writing a letter to Santa Claus or contracting a fatal illness.
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