Jeff Wysaski
1120: Joshua II becomes prince of Capua after the rightful prince, an infant nephew, dies. Upon being anointed, Joshua’s first order of business was to dissolve the previous prince’s decree that Friday afternoons be designated as “Peek-a-Boo Party Time.” However, he continued to champion his nephew’s other referendum: Poop in Your Pants Thursdays.
1636: Roger Williams establishes the city of Providence, Rhode Island. Williams is joined by other religious dissenters, including Mary Barnard, with which he would eventually have six children. Williams’ point of contention with religious officials? The authority to force “my genitals and (sic)…upon Mary Barnard.”
1776: The United States declares independence. Today, millions of Americans celebrate by trying to blow up the very land we fought so hard to establish.
1826: Both John Adams and Thomas Jefferson die in unrelated instances. Five years later to the day, 5th U.S. president James Monroe would also die. In 1829, one die prior to the end of his presidency, John Quincy Adams would push through a rush order to “abolish the practice of executing former presidents on the 4th of July.”
1865: Alice’s Adventures in Wonderland is published. Of course, the book would eventually be immortalized on screen as one of the most beloved movies of all time – Mannequin 2: On The Move.
1886: France offers the Statue of Liberty to the United States. After an unsuccessful attempt to re-gift the garish symbol of peace to Japan, officials finally dump it off the coast of New York.
1939: Lou Gehrig gives his “luckiest man on the face of the earth” speech in front of a crowd at Yankee Stadium. Later in the day, he would be informed of his mistake when he is reminded that Lou Gehrig’s Disease is not “the one where you get to eat as much ice cream as you want and not get fat.”
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