Jeff Wysaski
The hidden waterfall is said to have magical powers. Bathe in a normal waterfall, and all you will get is wet (and maybe bit by a fish). But wash your body in the cascading falls of the hidden waterfall, and it is said that you will get restored health, sublime enlightenment and inner serenity (also, it is said that the waterfall’s protectors, the Aqua Fairies, will give you a commemorative “I Found the Hidden Waterfall” t-shirt).
Where is this enchanted hidden waterfall? Well, it is hidden, of course. But it is believed that the waterfall is located in the most lush and exotic place on earth. And that place is Eastern Oklahoma.
There have been many attempts to seek out and map the exact location of the miraculous hidden waterfall. Ponce de Leon’s search for the Fountain of Youth is an obvious reference to the hidden waterfall. More recently, Finnish phone company Nokia sent a team of executives into the jungles of Oklahoma, in the hopes of finding and commercializing the waterfall as the next great outdoor concert amphitheater.
Unfortunately none of these expeditions have been successful. It is said that the Aqua Fairies have cast an enchanted spell that only grants access to those who are pure of heart. For added security, it is also said that the Aqua Fairies will use trickery and ambush tactics to prevent unworthy explorers from happening upon the enchanted waters (which would explain the dozens of tiny arrows found in the dead bodies of the Nokia executives).
So how do we know the waterfall exists at all? Because a few lucky people have, indeed, seen and bathed in its soothing waters. Coincidentally, I am one of these people. Don’t ask me how I found the waterfall, because I don’t know. All I know is, one minute I was going for a perfectly normal midnight jog through the middle of the forest, and the next I was standing waist-deep in water, having a chicken fight with an Aqua Fairy name Maurice.
Later, after a few games of Marco Polo and Sharks and Minnows, I grew weary and fell asleep. When I awoke, the waterfall was gone, and I was lying near my van on the outskirts of the forest.
And, officers, as you well know that is where I was when you found me and hauled me in for questioning. Now, I can see why you might be interested in talking with me, seeing as how that woman’s body was found dumped not 50 feet from where I was sleeping.
But as I just said, I was dancing and playing with the Aqua Fairies all night. And what with all the cannonballs and underwater tea parties, there was nary a minute for me to slip away and shoot some poor camper with a bunch of tiny arrows, let alone dig a shallow grave to dump her in.
So clearly, this all just one big mistake. And as for the “blood stains” on my “I Found The Hidden Waterfall” t-shirt, why that’s nothing more than strawberry jam – which makes sense because the hidden waterfall is virtually surrounded by strawberry patches.
So gentlemen, I believe that explains just about everything. If you have no other questions, then I will be on my way.
No? Okay, then get me my lawyer. His name is Maurice.
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