Jeff Wysaski
Honey, the doorbell just rang and, well, you’re not gonna believe this. The hovering black orb is back again.
Am I sure!? Honey, IT’S A HOVERING BLACK ORB! It’s not like I can mistake the gosh darn thing for the mailman or anything!
Look, I know I already asked you this, but are you sure you’ve never met this thing before? It’s about the size of a basketball, defies gravity, and emits bright, pulsing beams of light? Maybe from yoga class or something?
No? Well, okay, you don’t have to yell! Excuse me for trying to figure out why the heck a perfectly spherical piece of metallic onyx keeps showing up on our doorstep! I mean, if a hovering black orb rings your doorbell, you’d THINK it would know someone inside!
Wait a second! Remember that scientist guy we met at the flea market a few months back? Yes, you do. You remember. He sold us the antique cuckoo clock – remember? Oh, what was his name?
Mark! Yeah Mark. Do you remember Mark? What did he look like again? He didn’t by chance happen to look like a floating black orb of some kind, did he?
Oh, that’s right. He was an Asian fellow. Bifocals, balding, big smile – now I remember.
Well, there goes my theory. I was thinking maybe the orb was Mark. Perhaps we forgot our receipt or something and he tracked us down…
Hmm…well I would say let’s just chase it away with the broom again, but Lord knows it’ll just come back. I sure wish I could just talk to the darn thing and ask it what the heck it wants. But every time I try and strike up a conversation, it just chirps at me with a bunch of beeps and boops.
And sorry Orby, but this here is America! Which means I don’t speak no silly Beep-Bop language. I SPEAK AMERICAN!
Maybe it’s in a Girl Scout troop and is trying to sell us cookies? No, that doesn’t make sense. It would be wearing a sash if it was in the Girl Scouts.
Jehovah’s Witness, maybe? Those guys are pretty persistent. I chased one of them away with a broom once, and he came back too. But still, it doesn’t seem likely. Those guys tend to travel in pairs, and there is definitely only ONE hovering black orb out there right now.
Alright, well that’s it. As far as I’m concerned, that floating orb has no business being on our doorstep. Maybe if I chase it into the sprinklers, it’ll short-circuit or something. Will you keep an eye on the thing while I go grab my swim trunks? Thanks!
Oh, and honey, take this glowing green rock that I found in that pit last week where the meteor crashed. If the orb tries to come inside, maybe you can hit it with the rock to scare it away or something. Okay, I’ll be right back.
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