Jeff Wysaski
Hey guys, I’ve got a question for you – you know that towering column of light we’ve been staring at for the past half hour? Yeah, the one over there that starts at that seemingly random point in the open field, and then shoots straight up into the heavens with no visible stopping point.
Well, what do you think about me going down there and walking right on into it?
Now, I know it might sound a little crazy. I mean, we have no idea where this beam of light is coming from. God? Aliens? A sentient race of nomadic space dolphins? WHO KNOWS!?
And sure, we can sit here staring at the thing all the live long day trying to figure out what the heck it is or why the heck it’s there, but let’s face facts, all that talk isn’t going to get us any answers.
And, well, don’t get me wrong – I’m having a blast up here on this hill with you guys, just staring at that mysterious column of light and saying, “what the heck is that thing?” over and over again. But to be honest, at some point the novelty of gawking at a massive vertical column of light is going to wear off.
And for me, that point was about five minutes ago.
Which is why I think I should head on down there and walk into that towering column of light. I mean, it’s really the next logical step, don’t you think? We’ve SEEN the thing. Now it’s time to walk inside of it and try to figure out what makes it “tick.”
Sure, it COULD be dangerous. I suppose that one possibility COULD be that the beam of light is so incredibly powerful, that it causes my body to explode on contact into a white-hot fireball of energy. But just because that’s what happened to Davey when he walked into it, that doesn’t mean it will happen to me.
I don’t know, maybe the beam of light used up all its energy on Davey. Did you think of that? Or maybe, the beam has to kill one guy before the next guy can safely bask in its perfectly cylindrical containment of pure white light.
Seriously, it’s not everyday that you happen upon a towering column of light while out camping with your buddies. If you’re lucky, you encounter such a magnificent beam of light one, maybe two times tops in your lifetime.
Well, if you guys want to go back to the campsite and roast marshmallows while thinking about what could have been, go right on ahead. I’m going on down there and I’m going to walk into that towering beam of light. Sure, I might die, but I also might be imbued with the answers to all of life’s biggest questions. Like why all the best-tasting foods have to be so bad for you.
Or, maybe I’ll ascend up to a wondrous city in the sky where people can have telepathic conversations with dolphins and waterslides are the primary mode of transportation. Is that a world you’re willing to miss out on? Well, not me.
So go ahead. Go back to your warm sleeping bags and sorry excuse for a light source (the campfire). I’m marching into that towering beam of light, and there is NOTHING you can say to stop me.
Mad Libs? Kyle brought Mad Libs? Well, then what the heck are we doing here staring at a boring old beam of light!?
Did you guys know that “fart” can be used as both a verb AND a noun!? WELL IT CAN!! Come on, guys!! LET’S GET OUT OF HERE AND GET OUR MAD LIBS ON!!!!
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