Jeff Wysaski
Are you looking for the perfect summer getaway, yet don’t want to concern yourself with the hassles of crowds, cliché tourist attractions, and expensive hotels that jack up your rates because of “necessities” like mattresses, walls and restrooms?
Then do yourself a favor and book a trip to beautiful Skull Island!
Contrary to popular belief, Skull Island is not an untamed territory of jungle that is overrun with a race of simple-minded, indigenous cannibals. The natives don’t eat people! They just drink the blood of their fallen enemies. Also, they are not simple-minded – they are actually quite intelligent and cunning!
So forget about all those stereotypes you’ve heard about “virgin sacrifices” and “hunting the ‘moderns’ for sport” – escape to Skull Island, a world filled with wonder, intrigue and now, a cotton candy machine.
See wonders of nature more magnificent than the pyramids! Explore Skull Cave – the world’s largest skull-shaped cavern in the world. Venture inside and get lost in a maze of twisting passages and open chambers. Snap photos of the many piles of human remains. Play with the giant 6-foot spider! Will you find your way through the gauntlet by nightfall? Or will a bottomless pit or well-flown arrow prove your downfall?
Relax on the pristine beaches! No need to worry about getting sand in your shorts – Skull Island beaches are 100-percent jagged rock. Lay out your beach towel and soak up the year-round tropical climate. Go swimming and snorkeling as tropical fish, manta rays and piranha swim around you. Worried about getting sun burned? Not a problem, thanks to the looming gray clouds overhead that perpetually rumble with thunder and lightning!
Immerse yourself in the nostalgia of a simpler time. And not just any old simple time, the simplest time of all – prehistory! No pesky e-mails, telemarketing calls or TV commercials here. Just a world where people sleep in dirt huts, hide their shame with grass skirts, and defend their territory from marauding packs of giant lizard-like creatures.
Pamper yourself at the authentic native tribe’s village. Learn the art of poison-tip arrow making. Discover what it’s like to wear ceremonial “slave chains” while crafting rock shrines of the Lizard King out of massive stones. And after all that activity, take a dip in the soothing pot-shaped hot tub to relax and unwind.
Think you can’t afford it? Think again! For a limited time, Skull Island is offering incredible package deals to help make your vacation of a lifetime possible. Take advantage of our lodging’s FREE continental breakfasts (all the insects you can eat!). Are you a virgin female? Enjoy half price on all airfare!
So what are you waiting for? Leave the world behind you and escape to a world of raw, unbridled adventure. Book your trip today, and receive a FREE shrunken head!
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