Jeff Wysaski
1461: General Cao’Qin of the Chinese Ming Dynasty stages a coup against the Tianshun Empire. It opens to poor reviews among theatre critics, and is immediately canceled.
1789: The United States War Department, headed by Henry Knox, is founded in an effort to centralize funding for weapons development. Unfortunately. Knox’s dream of a “flaming sword of death” has yet to be realized.
1964: U.S. Congress passes the Gulf of Tonkin, which, as you may know, grants LBJ vastly expanded powers for the purpose of honky-tonkin (also, boot scooting).
1967: The People’s Republic of China agrees to give North Vietnam an undisclosed sum of foreign aid in the form of a grant. That sum? Zero.
1978: President Carter declares a federal emergency at Love Canal. The emergency? Not enough love.
1985: Japan names their first astronauts – Takao Doi, Mamoru Mohri and Chiaki Mukai. Unfortunately, all three Chow Chow pups die of ringworm before their inaugural space launch.
1975: Charlize Theron is born. She is perhaps best known as the only female American movie star that has won the 72-oz. Steak Challenge at Big Tex’s Beef Emporium in Midland, TX (note: Cameron Diaz’s claims have yet to be authenticated).
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