Jeff Wysaski
One of my many, many talents is that I can bake a pie like nobody’s business. Blueberry, cherry, apple – it doesn’t matter. You give me a reason to bake a pie, and I will whip that sucker up like nobody’s business.
Baking a pie like nobody’s business is no simple task. You can’t just go to the store and buy a pre-made crust or pie filling. No sir, you have to make it from scratch. Because, while Sara Lee and Betty Crocker may be able to mass-produce pie crusts like nobody’s business, they have no business making a pie crust as fresh or tangy as me (that’s right, tangy!).
If you’re not good at baking pies, don’t worry. Because that’s not your business. It’s mine – which might have you thinking: “if making pies is this guy’s business, then does that make this guy’s name Nobody!?”
No. That is just plain stupid. Have you ever heard of anyone ever being named ‘Nobody’ before?
Then why would you think that just now? “Like nobody’s business” is just a figure of speech, silly! Yeesh – come on buddy, get with the program!
But if you’re interested in baking pies like me (i.e. nobody’s business) then let me give you a tip: a good pie crust is the secret to making a really great pie (so don’t cut corners). Also, you probably need fresh fruits that aren’t bruised, rotten or moldy. Plus, the right amount of sugar and other ingredients to mix with the fruit is pretty important. Another secret, is to set the oven to the right temperature so that it bakes right.
Also, you might try baking the pie for the right length of time.
Baking pies isn’t the only thing I’m good at. I also make a mean cupcake. And if the mood strikes me, an angry muffin.
I don’t mean to brag, but I can also brag like nobody’s business.
In fact, you could almost say that I can bake ANYTHING like nobody’s business. But that’s not exactly true. My cream puff is probably somebody else’s business (and that ‘somebody’ is the French). And when it comes to fried desserts (donuts), well, that’s none of my business whatsoever.
I make a lot of pies like nobody’s business. At least 3 or 4 a week. And the funny thing is, I don’t even care for pie (too tangy). No sir, I just like making them. But trust me, I don’t have to eat them to know they’re good. Because, as it happens, my dog eats pies like nobody’s business, and there hasn’t been a pie too tangy for him too eat yet.
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