Jeff Wysaski
Well hello, vending machine. We meet again. As you can tell from the clock on the wall, it’s 3pm on the dot, and you know what that means: snack time for the youngest junior accountant on the 4th floor!!
I’ve worked long and hard since my lunch break, and forgive me for gloating, but I do believe I’ve earned myself a little treat.
Ooh, what’s this? I see the snack vendor came by last night and refilled your depleted stock. And what’s this? Baja California Starbursts have replaced those vile Lifesavers in slot D12? Oh, vending machine. You temptress. How dare you tantalize me with this exotic new selection.
Dare I stray from my usual Friday sweet treat – the glorious and ridiculously delicious Twix candy bar? Sure, it would be a risky move; there’s no doubt about it. After all, I’ve never had Starbursts of the Baja California variety before. I mean, that D12 button may as well be a button on a Las Vegas slot machine – because I’d be pressing my luck for sure!
No. I’m afraid there’s too much uncertainty in you, the new kid on the block, Starburst Baja California. Best to stick to the old tried and true and be certain that my sweet tooth remains satisfied.
But then again, variety is the spice of life. And if I go for the fruit chews, I’ll have four – count them FOUR – exotic new flavors to sample! And I’m not going to lie, the fact that these flavors are inspired by the infamously carefree and outlaw spirit of the Mexican border region known as Baja California, well, that is a HUGE DRAW.
Well done, Starburst marketing team. Well done.
And let’s face, with four completely different fruity flavors – limon, Aztec punch, Baja dragon fruit and strawberry watermelon – chances are I’d fall in love with AT LEAST one of them when all things are said and done. But would it be worth suffering through those other mediocre flavors just to enjoy the one or two that I truly enjoy? I mean, Baja Dragon Fruit? I couldn’t even begin to tell you what that tastes like. Passion fruit? Kiwi? Purple? Who the heck knows?
You know what, never mind. Because Twix has caramel. And I don’t care if Dragon Fruit tastes like heaven itself, it can’t match the creamy goodness of good old-fashioned caramel.
Then again, I’ll bet these Starbursts are available for a limited time only. If I don’t try it now, I may never get another chance. And I don’t want to be left wondering what could have been. It would be the Mountain Dew Code Red fiasco all over again.
Okay, let’s live a little. Starbursts it is. Done deal.
OH, BUT TWIX HAS THE COOKIE CRUNCH!!! AARGH! THIS IS TOO HARD!!
Ok, now I’m all turned around. Because now I’m thinking, maybe I don’t even want candy anymore. Maybe I want something salty? Like that Big Grab of Cool Ranch Doritos up in A4.
Gah, curse you vending machine!! I’M SO CONFUSED!! Cool Ranch Doritos? Are you kidding? I don’t want Cool Ranch Doritos! What kind of vile trickery are you trying to pull here?
Well I’m sick of your mind games, vending machine. I’m going to go for the sure thing and get the Twix. Because you can’t go wrong with chocolate and caramel.
Here we go. I’m doing it. In goes the 65 cents. Quarter, quarter, nickel, nickel, nickel and now, just to push the correct letter/number combi-
Ooh, is that a Payday? I’m totally nuts about Payday…
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