Should My Homeowner’s Insurance Cover Godzilla Attacks?

Dear State Farm Representative Toby Vickers,

Recently, I purchased an H0-3 platinum homeowner’s insurance policy from you. First off, I would like to thank you for being so extremely patient and enthusiastic in helping me determine which types of insurance best suited my home and neighborhood location. As a first-time homeowner, I was completely out of my comfort zone.

godzilla king of monstersHowever, upon discussing things with my wife, I think I would like to downgrade a few of the top-tier options I previously opted to include.

First off, I would like to eliminate the clause that protects me against “Acts of Godzilla.” Yes, I understand the catastrophic amount of damage that might result from an encounter with the “King of Monsters.” However, given that my home is located in Western Ohio and not the coastal shores of Japan, I think the probability of such an encounter is highly unlikely.

Additionally, I would like to note that my H0-1 basic coverage already covers damage from fire. As such, in the event my home is harmed due to Godzilla’s firey breath, I imagine I would still be covered.

Secondly, I think I can survive without the policy’s Green and Gold Addendum. Now, I know what you’re thinking: “What if a leprechaun steals my gold?” Well initially, I thought this portion of the policy was an absolute necessity. But as it turns out, that leprechaun I saw in the garage the other day wasn’t a leprechaun at all. It was just a bag of lawn fertilizer.

Given that no other leprechaun sightings have taken place in the neighborhood in quite some time, I’m willing to take the risk in exchange for a lower premium. Also, I just don’t store as many sacks of gold in my home as I used to.

Third: “Damage to roof caused by Santa Claus.” I forgot. My wife won’t let me write letters to Santa Claus anymore. As she puts it, only an idiot would bother wasting his time writing “nonsense” letters to people that don’t actually “exist.” So, while we may reconsider once we have kids, I’m afraid Santa won’t be visiting the roof of our home anytime soon.

And finally, I would like to remove the “Zombie Liability Coverage” from my policy. After further thought, it occurs to me that, in the event that a zombie apocalypse descends on my neighborhood, my wife and I will almost certainly be turned into zombies ourselves. And if such a thing happens, I doubt “paying for injuries of friends or family due to a zombie attack that occurred on our premises” will be all that big of a concern to us.

Again, I would like to thank you for all your help during this process. And though I am downgrading a few of my policy features, I want you to know I am still quite happy with my insurance policy as a whole. Also, I want to stress that these are the ONLY four clauses I would like remove. After all, I would be a fool to remove such items as “Werewolf Encounters” and “Gnome Infestations.”

Please be so kind as to reply back once these changes have been made to my policy.

Thanks,

Pleated Jeans

——

If you liked this, other humor blog posts you may be interested in include:

What do you think?

24 points
Upvote Downvote

Total votes: 0

Upvotes: 0

Upvotes percentage: 0.000000%

Downvotes: 0

Downvotes percentage: 0.000000%

Dos and Don’ts for a Centaur’s Birthday Party

How To Work A Sombrero Into Your Everyday Wardrobe