Jeff Wysaski
The Lord Pilkerton Manor is one of the largest privately owned land stocks in Medieval England. For more than 100 years, we have been THE leader in turnip production for the greater Wolverhampton region.
Due to a recent outbreak of the Black Death, Lord Pilkerton Manor currently has several immediate openings for the position of Lowly Serf. If you are tired of being a freeman peasant, then why not consider a lifetime of indentured servitude? No longer will you be troubled by the day-to-day hassles of personal finance, criminal pilferings and pesky “free will.”
Tired of making decisions for yourself? Let our attentive and hands-on noblemen dictate every possible life decision for you – from what time to get up and what to eat for supper all the way down to whom you should marry and how many hands you should have!
As a Lowly Serf, your primary job tasks will be tilling and harvesting Lord Pilkerton’s vast turnip fields. However, additional duties may include cleaning the Lord’s castle, hauling heavy rocks from one field to another for seemingly no reason, groveling, and laying in the mud after it rains so Lord Pilkerton can reach his carriage without getting his boots dirty.
NO EXPERIENCE NECESSARY! We will train the right individuals! However, we do ask that all applicants possess an obedient nature and overall feeling of complete hopelessness. We’ve had problems in the past with uprisings, so strong-willed individuals need not apply.
Top candidates will also:
- Have a strong desire to elevate the vast wealth of already wealthy men
- Not ask questions
- Lack the need for positive feedback
- Do what he or she is told
- Exhibit working knowledge of antiquated agricultural harvesting techniques
- Have a strong interest in turnips
- Be proficient in Microsoft Powerpoint and Visio
NO WHINERS OR CRY BABIES!
Lord Pilkerton Manor offers a work environment that discourages new ideas and rewards those who do the least amount of work! Other benefits of working for us include:
- Flexible schedule: work from sun up to sun down, or vice versa (your choice!)
- Employee recognition programs: top harvesters will be rewarded with fewer whippings
- Free rope belt for all new hires (used)
- Competitive salary (kidding: you’ll get paid in turnips and like it)
- Funny Hat Fridays
What are you waiting for? Your exciting new career as a Lowly Serf is just a door knock away. Lord Pilkerton will be conducting interviews at his manor this coming Thursday. Interested applicants should show up in proper work attire (tattered rags) and be ready to discuss their qualifications. A resume and curriculum vitae are also required.
——
If you liked this, then other humor blog posts you may enjoy include: