Jeff Wysaski
Are you a nurturing single man who has the overwhelming need to love and care for God’s little wonders? Well, when houseplants and Man’s Best Friend simply won’t cut it, now there’s an alternative to unhappy marriages and unnatural sperm banks.
Introducing HaleyBot! The Daddy/DaughterBot for Single Daddies. Finally, a smart, affordable way to have the daughter of your dreams without having to worry about finding, and successfully mating with, a fertile adult female. Whether you’re celibate, sterile or simply refuse to wait the requisite 9 months – HaleyBot is here and ready to make your single-parenting dreams come true!
Modeled after a typical 8-year-old girl, HaleyBot was designed from the ground up with the single daddy in mind. Constructed from soft sheets of aluminum, HaleyBot is both super durable and super huggable!
Your new daughter comes equipped with the cute, adorable monotone voice you’ve always imagined! HaleyBot comes pre-programmed with over three dozen daddy-centric phrases, including:
- “I love you single daddy.”
- “Can we eat ice cream for breakfast?”
- “Let’s have a tea party!”
- “Daddy, can we see the latest Disney-brand cartoon movie, just you and me?”
- and, “Daddy, why did the angels take mommy away?”
HaleyBot doesn’t just talk! She walks, hugs and colors pictures for her single daddy, too! Feel your heart melt as HaleyBot stands on your feet for a very special daddy/daughter slow dance. Or, act annoyed (but secretly love it!) when HaleyBot wraps her arms and legs around your leg and refuses to let go until you promise “not to go to work today.”
Customize HaleyBot to perfectly match your dream daughter needs. Swap the standard-issue dome haircut for adorable pigtails or a classic side ponytail. Then, ratchet up the “precocious meter” to hear HaleyBot talk about “adult” topics like “why the sky is blue” and “facts about dolphins.”
All HaleyBot models come complete with a giant lollipop and framed picture of “mommy.”
Already a single daddy? Give your “real” daughter the younger sister she’s always wanted! Then, watch with amazement as HaleyBot’s good manners and table setting skills rub off on that lazy, non-respecting natural offspring of yours.
What are you waiting for? Be the first on your block to own HaleyBot! HaleyBot is great for picking up chicks, riding in the carpool lane and making your bachelor friends sick with jealousy! Plus, she’s a great excuse for shopping in the Little Miss department at JC Penney!
HaleyBot is the newest family innovation from FlimCo – the makers of Uncle Puppet and My Evil Twin! FlimCo – filling out your family tree since 1983!
——
If you liked this, then other humor blog posts you may like include: